Beating the urge to give up on your New Years resolution

It happens so often that January 1st rolls around and we make all of these New Year’s resolutions and we are totally gung ho…we are going to make some serious life changes.  For the first week or 2 you are killing it…week 3 rolls around and you’re faced with an obstacle here and there but you are still full steam ahead….there is nothing that is going to stand in your way.  Week 4 a few more obstacles…you’re still determined but you can start to feel the wind in your sails depleting.  Come February you begin to justify somethings in your mind as to why this resolution just wasn’t for you.  Doubt, disappointment, and feelings of failure start to cloud your mind.  Before you know it you’ve convinced yourself that you are unable to live up to the resolutions that you made.  Is this a scenario you can identify with?

I can relate to this in so many ways.  Although I create resolutions throughout the year I run into so many obstacles that will trigger me into feelings of self doubt and making up stories in my head.  What I have learned though is that is this is when true grit must come into play.  This is where vulnerability is essential.  I want you to remember one thing…THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELF-MADE….NO ONE CAN DO IT ALONE.  Sometimes you need a little help from you friends, mentors, leaders, and/or coaches.

When you originally made that resolution who or what were you inspired by?  Seek that person or that object out.  Recognize that the results that were created by this person, place, or thing were not created over night.  It was ups and downs, trials and errors, successes and failures that eventually led to what you were inspired by.  Keep in mind that as I am sharing this with you I am repeating this to myself as well.

Just yesterday I had reached out to my mentor and shared my feelings of being lost and struggling with how to move forward in my mission to change the world one head at a time.  It took that outside perspective to not only give me the guidance that I needed but also hold me accountable for all of my best of intentions that I wasn’t really giving my all to.  After having about a 1 hour conversation I feel like I am back on track.  Had I let my fears take the wheel and not reached out to someone who has traveled down this road before I may have given up or fallen so off course that it could have set me back years.

It is completely ridiculous to think that you can achieve the ultimate level of greatness completely by yourself.  You need guidance you, you need accountability, you need a cheerleader.  It doesn’t always mean having a live person with you at all times…it means reading a book on how to do what you want to do.  If you want to be a millionaire…you read books written by people that have made millions…If you want to have a healthy diet you read a book written by someone who eats a healthy diet…If you want to be incredibly physically fit you read a book by someone who has become incredibly physically fit.  Or you watch videos of people accomplishing these things.  Find a mentor or a leader that you can reach out to.  There other thing to remember is that finding a mentor does not always mean the CEO of the company….you work your way from the bottom.  The person that knows just one more thing than you do then work your way up.  Here is the secret though…you’ll want to sit down for this.  Are you ready???  After you read these books or learn from these mentors you actually have to act on these things…you have to do the work!

Now is the time to do it…don’t let that resolution slip away!  You can do ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING.  It’s not easy but it is worth it.  That feeling of accomplishment and growth that you will experience is one of the greatest feelings in the world.  Every step forward is a step in the right direction no matter how big or small the step!

Find your mentor, put your lessons into action, become the best possible version of yourself.  Please share this with anyone and everyone that this could potentially help in their pursuit of greatness

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Your words are far more powerful than you think

I was running around like a mad woman cleaning my apartment and listening to Kesha’s newest album (which has been my obsession since this past summer btw) and for whatever reason I began to think about how important it is to tell the people around us the impact they’ve had on our lives.  Actually, any person that has ever said anything, done anything, or acted in any way that struck a chord with you…that made you behave differently as a result of seeing or hearing them do it….They need to know it.  If you got the warm fuzzy feeling from them or have respect for them or something they did…TELL THEM!

I was thinking about one of my many conversations with my badass lash girl, Amanda (check her out here) Amanda is a young, gorgeous, ambitious, badass of a woman who for whatever reason has had the hardest time finding her person.  I firmly believe that it is going to take one hell of a man to handle her level of badassery.  He is going to have to have confidence coming out of his ass for sure.  He is going to have to be living at her level…which in her age group (29) is hard to find.  The beautiful thing is though, that when they find each other, brace yourself people….it is going to be a love that this world may have never seen before.  It is going to be so passionate that it is going to re-ignite all of the weakening flames of the relationships around them.

Anyhoo….Amanda was telling me about a guy that she had dated that was kind and thoughtful enough to actually have a conversation with her when he felt that the passion was just not there between the 2 of them.  This relationship ended quite a while ago but she never forgot how awesome it was for him to do that rather than the “ghosting” that is constantly happening with the other twats she dates.  She knew how important it was for him to know what a quality trait this is to have.  She went out of her way to reach out to him months and months after that relationship had ended simply to let him know what  an awesome person he was.  For no other reason than because he need to hear it.   Imagine how that is going to make this man arrive in the world for the next woman in his life.  She taught him something.  Because she spoke up…he is going to have an amazing impact on the next woman in his life because of the confidence she gave him.

The fact is that it is really fucking hard to be a human being.  No matter who you are, or what you do…life is hard.  When someone takes the time out of their day to tell you that you had a positive impact of their lives…even for just a single moment in time…that feels so awesome….it is like a big tight hug on your heart.  It creates the inertia neccessary to travel this really rocky road called life.

It makes me think about a few people who I went to high school with that came out and told me they had crushes on me way back when.  I had spent the majority of my life thinking that I was not good enough.  That I added no value to anything or anyone.  It took me many many years to realize that.  I was making up stories in my head as we all do.  However, if I had known when I was in my awkward teenage years that these people actually even noticed me maybe I would’ve come to that realization sooner.  I know…I know…what other people think of us has absolutely no effect on our self worth…but we were not all born with that mindset.  We are not all surrounded by people that let us know that we are good enough.  If someone tells me a story or just does something that I think is awesome whether I know them or not I make it a point to tell them.

One of my favorite TedTalks which is very short but very powerful really explains it best and I will leave you with that.  Everyday Leadership by Drew Dudley

If this blog hit your warm fuzzy feeling button please share it and like it!

How Tragedy + Perseverance = Empowerment

Today marks the 24 year anniversary of my Mothers’ tragic death.  It also marks the 24 year anniversary of the beginning of my growth process.

It truly amazes me how I can remember every step, every motion, every word, and every emotion of that day 24 years ago but I cannot remember where I set me keys 10 minutes ago.  I can still feel the pain as if it happened yesterday…I can remember the blood curdling screams coming from my pregnant 17-year-old body.  I can remember begging and pleading to everyone in the room to just let me see her….which now I am so thankful they did not give into my pleads. My mother was killed in a terrible car accident and I know that the visual of her mangled lifeless body would have changed me in a way that I may not have been able to recover from .

It took me many years to really experience a breakthrough as a result of my Mothers untimely demise.  I went through several years of depression and a feeling of emptiness. Several years of just being lost.  I was 17 years old when my Mother died.  I was 3 months pregnant and I was marrying the father of my unborn child 2 days later.  I think I lost my Mother when a young girl needs her Mother the most.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I, at 17 years old, didn’t even know how to take care of myself let alone a child…and how to be wife..are you kidding me??????  I was still doing homework for crying out loud….like legit….I was a senior in high school.

If you were to ask me 20 some years ago how I coped and found my way I probably would have told you some bullshit about being strong and working hard and being focused….thinking about that now makes me laugh!  Ask me now how I coped and I will tell you it was because of the leaders, mentors, and the people who gave me guidance.  My Father, my step-Mother, my Sister….they selflessly guided me.  Also, my in-laws at the time.  They had A HUGE impact on my life and I kick myself regularly for walking away from my marriage the way I did.  I divorced my Husband and literally just walked away from everyone.  I was young and scared and didn’t know how to handle things.  I have since apologized to them for my actions and have learned an EXTREMELY valuable lesson as a result of it.  I literally ghosted them….I will never do that to anyone again.  If I make the decision to no longer be part of someone’s life I choose to have the uncomfortable conversation as to why.  Not that I chose not to have a relationship with them I guess I just didn’t know how.  I should have told them that and they could have used their life experience to show me.

At the time I’m sure all those people thought I wasn’t listening….in fact I don’t even think I was listening….like I wasn’t really HEARING them. The point is it still got in my brain…just for later use .  It was through the natural evolution of maturity that I started to call upon some of the input my Dad and step-Mother instilled.  Also, through my growing relationship with my Sister (technically my step-Sister but I feel far too connected to her to address her that way)  who has been a beautiful example of the kind of person I want to be.

What I am trying to say here is that I did not get to this place of clarity for many years.  It did not just magically happen.  I think that is how some people see it though….because they did not actually see my process they naturally assume that I was always this way.  They assume they can never get to that place of enlightenment because they weren’t born that way.  I am here to tell you that NO ONE is born that way.  You become that person as a result of you who you surround yourself with and the stories you tell yourself.

I know that you cannot get to a place of clarity on your own.  It is through learning from others that you obtain that knowledge.  The opposite can also be said…you will get to a place of self-destruction, pain, stagnation, and a feeling of failure by surrounding yourself with the wrong people.  By listening to words of discouragement instead of encouragement, by listening to negativity rather than positivity….that will also take you somewhere…but it is going to take you to a dark place…a place where there will be growth but it will be a place where disease grows…where pain grows…where failure is an absolute.

I choose to use the death of my Mother as the birthplace of where I am today.  My Mother was 39 when she passed…It was nearing my 39th birthday that I had that  “OH MY FUCKING GOD” moment of realizing this was all the life my Mother ever lived.  I can either choose to bathe in pain of her tragic death or rise to the top as a result of it.  It is truly a choice.  It is 110% a fucking decision…..in every possible situation you have a choice…you may not like the choices but you still have a choice.

I made the CHOICE when I had that breakthrough moment nearing my 39th birthday to end my very unhappy marriage….that was the hardest DECISION I have ever had to make.  It was a choice though….either way you look at it….it sucks.  I could have chosen to stay in an unhappy marriage and live a very unfulfilled life OR break up a marriage that impacted the lives of a man, 3 adult children, and a grandchild.  IT FUCKING SUCKED!!!  But, I had a choice and I chose to leave so that I could be my very best self to serve those children better….to serve the my grandson better, to serve my team, my tribe, my community, and ultimately myself better.

Persevering through tragedy is ultimately what makes you unstoppable.  Surviving that time in my life is exactly what led me to where I am today….and I am damn proud of where I am today.  I am a very good person…I know this because I WORK REALLY FUCKING HARD AT IT.  I am strong, I am independent, and I am empowering.  And I have every single person that has ever been in my life to thank for it.  The people who had my best interest at heart as well as the people who were sucking me dry.  I thank every one of them equally.  The good ones for the guidance to the light powerful side and the bad ones for showing me what the dark side looks like and serving as a bad example.

DO NOT WASTE THE PAIN YOU ARE EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW…It is your catalyst to greatness…it is the fuel that is going to take you to exactly where you want to go!

I please ask that if these words spoke to you in any way or you know someone who could benefit from reading them PLEASE LIKE AND SHARE THIS by clicking here.

It is my mission to help show everyone just how powerful they are. I need your help in spreading this!

A story that proves happiness is a choice

I just finished reading (actually listening to…that’s how I read) “The Power of Intention” by Wayne Dyer.  Fabulous book…especially on Audible because it’s actually a recording of the course he teaches based on the book rather than just listening to him or someone else simply reading the words.

The book ends with him reading a story that was sent to him.

” a 92-year-old petite, proud, well poised woman who is fully dressed, hair fashionably quaffed, and makeup perfectly applied by 8 a.m. every morning despite being legally blind is about to move into a nursing home because her husband of 70 years passed away making the move necessary.  After sitting patiently in the waiting room of this nursing home for several hours she smiled sweetly when she was told her room was ready.  While maneuvering her walker to the elevator, the nurse who was escorting her provided a visual description of her tiny room down to the eyelet sheets that hung on her window.  “I LOVE IT”  the 92 year old woman said with the enthusiasm of an 8-year-old child who just received her first puppy.  “But Mrs. Jones, You haven’t even seen it yet,” the nurse said, “just wait, just wait”.  “That has nothing to do with it” said Mrs. Jones.  “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…it’s how I arrange my mind”.  Wayne Dyer finishes with this…”You see, even at 92 years old and legally blind WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE 

I really do think this comes from having a gratitude mindset.  If you are reading this right now YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR. That you are able to see to read these things, that you have the ability to read, that you woke up this morning to have the opportunity to read, that you own a device in which to access this, that you are able to afford the internet access it takes to be able to see this.  The list goes on…

You have so much more power than you think you do.  Once you start to recognize that you begin a path of enlightenment.  You begin to empower the people around you.  You begin to make others’ realize how powerful they are…it trickles.

Enlightenment comes from learning from others’.  There is something to be learned from everyone, from everything, in every moment.

My next book I am starting is “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale…I look forward to sharing my insight with you when I’m done!

If you feel that this has enlightened you , changed or strengthened your perspective, or you just found it entertaining would you please Like it and/or Share it below?  I cannot begin to tell you how much that would mean to me!

 

 

10 ways we as a nation are “numbing out”

After listening to the most recent “couragemakers” podcast (click here to experience it for yourself) I really started to think about how much I continue to numb myself. Although I work really hard on self discovery I still have a long way to go. Today’s episode was called “Challenging The Shit That Holds You Back” with Andrea Owen.

Andrea talked about how when she really started down her path of self discovery how her drinking had really accelerated. How when she really started to look deep within herself and address her pain the numbing became more prevalent. That really made me think about how we numb and all the different tools we use to numb. A lot of which you probably don’t think of numbing agents. Also how we really stunt our emotional growth when we numb ourselves.

Growth really happens in the most painful, uncomfortable, awkward times of our lives. If we numb ourselves in those moments to lessen the pain we are feeling we are really doing ourselves a HUGE disservice. If you can put down the drink, put down the doughnut, avoid the pills, or whatever it is that you are reaching for in that moment and just look that pain right in eye…feel the pain, and yes it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker….but those are growing pains and they are necessary.
First, let’s think about all the different agents we use to numb and how it is affecting us and those around us.

1.) Alcohol
This is a tough one for me because I really do enjoy cocktails…Prosecco is my current drink of choice…The thing is though how is it affecting not only you but those around you. Most people would say “what is the harm in just having a couple drinks”…I am one of those someone’s btw. One thing I start to realize with myself though is after even just one drink…I change. I lose momentum. My ambition towards greatness starts to decrease…I get this “meh, it can wait until tomorrow” sort of attitude. For others, they love the way the drink let’s their guard down but then they don’t know when to stop…before they know it they are slurring their speech and depicting themselves as someone their not which can make them look very unattractive to the people they love most.. Then there are the one’s who think they are “OK” to drive and end up injuring themselves and becoming the responsibility of a loved one. Or maybe get a DUI which again puts pressure on the loved one to drive them to work and everywhere else they have to go.  This can often cause resentment and inevitably lead to the end of that relationship. Or the absolute worst case is tragically taking the life of another human being…possibly ruining the lives of an entire family and more.

2.) Drugs
Drugs come in so many different forms now, Legal to illegal. Anything that is going to change the way you FEEL…masking physical and emotional pain, anxiety, sadness, fatigue…I am not talking about antibiotics here. Anything that if when the effects of the drugs wear off that you feel the emotional pain you were trying to mask with the drug in the first place…that is what I am talking about….Although I do not really think that marijuana is a harmful drug at all and I don’t think that legalizing it would be a bad thing it is still a mind altering drug and it numbs you from the pain you should be experiencing for growth. Which leads me to the other point…you cannot selectively numb….if you numb pain…you numb joy and happiness along with it. If you have someone in your life that loves you…they love all of you…the good, the bad, and the ugly. I recognize that many people suffer from feelings of depression and anxiety but I think many times those symptoms can be fought with a change in perspective, ownership of mistakes, and self-love.

3.) Sex
We as humans are here on earth for one reason and one reason only…Connection. So often we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to show the people around us who we really are so we feel the only way to feel actual human connection is through sex…I’m not talking about sex with someone you love and have a beautiful relationship with. I am talking about just having a warm body that you are trying to connect with. The problem with that is without that real connection that only comes with vulnerability of the heart you don’t connect anyway and you start to trust people less and less. You start to feel more alone than you did before this “connection” therefore even less likely to truly connect. There can be so much pain involved in this ….I think particularly with women as we tend to get more emotionally attached after sex then men do. When that emotional attachment happens but there is no foundation in which the relationship was formed there is a feeling of rejection when the deed is over with nothing to show for it.

4.) Shopping
Shopping actually boosts the same neurotransmitters, serotonin, as sex and drugs. When we buy things it makes us feel good which in many cases can be awesome. Anytime you make a purchase so many people prosper as a result of it. The company you purchased from, the creator of the actual item, the paper company that the receipt was printed on, the company that created the bag that you carried your time away in…the list goes on and on. The downfall is, much like alcohol, when is enough enough. We are the most in debt nation in the world for this reason. We max out credit cards, we blow our savings, we take out loans, you name it…we do it… all to just keep buying things that we don’t truly NEED. As a result our families suffer as we are now not able to provide the needs, such as food, shelter, clothing, and eduction….or medical needs perhaps. I absolutely believe in buying things that make you feel good but there has to be a limit..it has to just be the things you NEED. Be intentional with your purchases. If you don’t absolutely love it then you don’t need it.

5.) Video Games
Whether they are on a gaming console, your phone, or your computer games can often times act as a distraction from the pain you are feeling. I think a game, when you are intentional about when you choose to play it is awesome. If you find yourself reaching for your phone, computer, or game controller because you begin to feel the tinge of pain when you sit in silence….you have to fight the urge and just feel the pain.

6.) Social Media
This is a major one. Social media has a wonderful place in this world. I will forever be grateful for Facebook because that was the medium in which my boyfriend Heath and I were reunited. The question is how are you using it? Aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, and other sites is a sign that you are avoiding something. Worse yet, we like to share the things on social media that make us look really really good….what we WANT people to see. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen a couple snap a pic of each other in this really lovey dovey pose with big smiles and pure happiness only to go back to not talking or looking at each other after the photo was taken. We are creating a mirage of what we want people to think in hopes that will make us feel better about ourselves and our lives. All that does is drive us further and further away from connection. Use social media for inspiration, motivation, entertainment…but make sure you are not using it to numb or mask. Unless you are intentionally searching for something or you are posting something that you are really proud of that you think your friends, family, and the rest of the world needs to see tread lightly because you are likely just avoiding facing the pain you are inevitably feeling

7.) Food <——my numbing agent of choice
This is one I can really relate to the most. I have struggled with my weight and my body for as long as I can remember. I love food, I love the way it makes me feel. I love the feeling of being full…not stuffed but full. I wish salads would give me the same satisfaction as pizza did! We need food for survival which is what makes it extra difficult. You can’t just say “ok, that’s it, I’m quitting food”. Food is a must. Unfortunately there is something in a big ol’ plate of nachos that really gives me comfort than I cannot find in a bowl of quinoa and kale. This is something I have really been working on. Identifying when I am truly hungry versus when I am just trying to numb some pain. When I am traveling the road of healthy eating though it is amazing the difference you feel. The energy and genuine happiness you feel. Because I am not filling a void or feeling of emptiness with a sleeve of Oreo’s I am forced to face my demons and identify with where they are stem from….and fight them.

8.) Television
This is very much in the same realm as social media and video games. If you find yourself scrolling through the guide on tv…you are avoiding something. If you reach for the remote, find exactly what you want to watch, and pay attention and enjoy that is different. I think, again, like social media and video games, television has a wonderful place in this world….but you have to be aware of are you just distracting yourself, just passing time??? Or are you engaged with what you are watching?

9.) Over-exercising
I have a feeling there would be some people who would fight me on this but it’s true. Exercise is something, much like food, that we all need. This is also something that so many people avoid…myself included. However, there is a whole lot of truth in “too much of a good thing is bad”. Working out also stimulates that beautiful neurotransmitter, Serotonin. It makes us feel good which is awesome but there are people that are spending 5-6 hours of everyday working out. Our bodies need rest and our brains need to be stimulated. I get it though…nothing makes you feel like you can conquer the world more than working out. But it has to come in healthy doses. Work out, build muscle, burn fat, escalate your heart rate….but be cognizant of when you are just trying to numb out…trying to avoid the emotional pain.

10.) Plastic Surgery
We see this all the time in Hollywood. The most beautiful people in the world go under the knife in hopes of changing the way they feel inside. I can understand how this happens. As I’ve gotten older it becomes harder and harder to identify with the person I see in the mirror…who is that person? Inside I feel like a young 22-year-old woman but I look in the mirror and see the reality, It can be tough to swallow. I am not against plastic surgery….I think if a little enhancement is going to make you feel beautiful go for it. A nose job, breast enhancements, Botox, facelift. Go for it….BUT, if you find that you get one of those done and you end up wanting to go back for more there is a deeper issue there. You have pain that needs to be felt and fought and until you do that there is not enough plastic surgery in the world that will make you feel beautiful. You have to feel it on the inside before you yourself can see it on the outside.

What this all comes down to is being intentional. Give yourself a few moments every single day to feel your emotions. When you are in the car alone, turn off the radio, put your phone on airplane mode, and just be. For most people this is going to hurt….to actually feel your emotions…it can be excruciating but once you do it…it is the most peaceful beautiful feeling in the world. Trust me on this, I can always feel when I haven’t gave myself a little silence. When I do though, I recognize my value, my worth, my beauty, and my power. You will too!

 

10 lessons I’ve learned from my nail tech. 1 for each finger

I spent another amazing 2 hours with the incredible Lisa Clark today at Lacquered Up Nail Studio (click here to visit their facebook page).  I want to say that something amazing happens when you are intentional about who you choose to work with, get services with, shop with, and surround yourself with.  When choosing my new nail design artist I knew that I wanted to support someone local.  I first heard of Lisa through my sister, who shares my same philosophies about making intentional choices on who you work with.  It took me a while to finally carve time into my schedule to get my nails done regularly.  I had no idea how much my life was going to change as a result of that.  Lisa Clark, nail design artist…AKA…mind blower upper, is the kind of person you must meet and I have 10 reason why….1 for each finger.  Lisa, for the sake of this blog, is going to be the name we use to represent the person in your circle that you can learn from and grow with.

  1. Lisa creates a safe haven for man, woman, and child

The love that Lisa shows to everyone is truly incredible but the most beautiful part is the safe place she creates for the people who struggle with vulnerability the most…..Men and teens.  Unfortunately society has made men feel that sharing their feelings is a sign of weakness.  Brene Brown talks about a man that she met who had told her that the women is his life would rather see him die on his white horse than see him fall and fail.  You show me woman who gives her man a safe place to share his feelings without judgement and I’ll show you a woman who will be taken care of in ways you didn’t know possible.  Same goes for the teens in the world.  Being a teen is the hardest thing in the world.  They are trying so hard to just fit in and be “normal”.  They are trying desperately to fit into the mold that their peers have labeled as acceptable.  Their brains are not fully developed however they appear to be fully functional fully developed human beings.  It’s  a mirage really, an illusion.  Inside they are confused, scared, and un-equipped for the expectations that are bestowed upon them.

2. Lisa loves with her whole being

The love that Lisa shares with the people in her life is insurmountable.  She accepts the best parts of you and the worst parts of you equally.  She recognizes the good, bad, or ugly that is who you are and she loves you for it.  That is a lesson we could all stand to learn.  No one is perfect.  We all make choices from time to time that do not shine a great light on us however it does form and shape us into the person we become.  Lisa will accept every aspect of you but will tell you when you are not being your best self.  Not only will she tell you…she will guide you through the darkness into the light that most flatters you!

3.  Lisa researches her emotions

When Lisa is experiencing a dark emotion she truly dissects it until she figures out where it originates.  When she is angry she truly thinks about where that anger comes from and deals with the source.  She not only admits when she is wrong but she makes it right.  And then she takes the steps necessary to grow in a way that she doesn’t make the same mistake twice.

4.  Lisa recognizes what makes her happy

Lisa is present and recognizes when she is truly experiencing happiness.  No matter what it is.  She finds joy in the little things and is intentional about experiencing that joy.  She finds just as much joy in cooking burgers and drinking beer with her husband as she does getting all gussied up and having a killer night on the town.

5.  Lisa learns from every single person she meets

Every single person that Lisa crosses paths with serves a purpose in her life.  Sometimes the person serves as a someone she strives to be for her own personal growth.  Sometimes that person serves as a student who learns from her own life experiences.  Sometimes that person serves as a bad example…the person she knows she doesn’t want to be.

6.  Lisa asks excellent questions

Good questions get good answers….great questions get great answers…Lisa recognizes this.  Not only does she know that she is going to grow as a result of your answer but she also is genuinely interested in what you have to say.

7.  Lisa lets you know how wonderful you are

For some people telling others how wonderful they think the people around them can be uncomfortable….not for Lisa.  Her words feel like warm hugs wrapped around your whole body.  If you ever need to feel like you are important and that you make a difference in this world…hang out with Lisa

8.  Lisa respects your purpose

No matter what greatness you are trying to pursue Lisa will be your biggest cheerleader. The sole fact that you have a passion to pursue is enough reason for Lisa to encourage you to keep going.

9.  Lisa is not afraid to push you into greatness

Choosing to be your very best self every single day takes a great deal of energy.  It’s hard work but it is worth it.  When the pain and fatigue start to weigh on you Lisa is right there to support you through your time of need.  Most of the time it’s simply words of encouragement that are needed to push you through however Lisa is not afraid to break out the tough love if she sees that’s what you need.

10.  Lisa is Lisa

No matter where you are, who are with, or what you are doing you will always get the same Lisa.  Her true, genuine, beautiful, empathetic, loving, caring self.

 

You never know when you are going to meet your Lisa.  They come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, religions, backgrounds, and occupations.  The key to finding your Lisa is to engage with the people you come accross…your server, your clerk, your mailman, your hairdresser, and most certianly your nail design artist.

 

 

This is what 2018 will bring for you

2017 was a wonderful year for me.  I have never experienced so much growth in such a short period of time.  I can attribute that to all of the tragedies I experienced.  The salon lost a senior stylist, had massive turn over, endured a security breach which left us with NOTHING, major appliance repair bills, and so much more that I know I’m leaving out.  Taking all those negative things and turning them into positives was amazing and a result of all the education I got in 2017.  I took many classes hosted by our amazing distribution company focusing on business strategies and systems, I read SO many books on development, leadership, and growth, and I attended the best growth and knowledge seminar I have ever experienced, Vision Quest, hosted in the beautiful Carlsbad California.

Reading and attending these “growth seminars” is what really brought me to this level of enlightenment.  Surrounding myself with like-minded people with killer strategies and a relentless forward motion towards greatness.

The A-ha moment I am having is that these amazing people who I had the pleasure of learning from all had one thing in common.  They all learned everything they know from other people.  That’s it….they took a philosophy, personalized it, ran with it and failed many times, kept getting up and dusting themselves off, and kept on polishing up their brand.  These philosophies and systems they teach and empower others with is nothing more than knowledge they learned from someone else.  It’s up-cycled information!

Why is this important to know and understand?  Because you need to know that the only thing keeping you from a heightened level of greatness is the proper information.  You have the desire, you have the proper vessel necessary to take you to the world’s greatest heights now all you have to do is fill that vessel with words, encouragement, strategies, and systems.

1. One book leads to another, leads to another, and leads to another

Every book that I have read this year was recommended by the Author of the book I was currently reading.  If you are really moved by the words you are reading know that the information that you are gathering are simply ideas and philosophies gathered from other people.  The Author received information, up-cycled it, and put their own unique energy into it.  Also know that if you are reading a book and it is not speaking to you….you don’t have to finish it.  Who made up the rule that you have to read a book from beginning to end…if you’re not into it put it down and find one that speaks to you.

 2.  TedTalks, YouTube, GoalCast….Videos stimulate you in a different way

There is something about watching a video that really gets me going.  To physically SEE the passion in someone’s eyes as they are sharing their stories and ideas…that is powerful stuff.  You can also learn great presentation skills by watching the way they present themselves.  The internet has put together an endless amount of information  for you to watch and learn from.  My favorite right now is Impact Theory…In fact I am wearing my new Impact Theory sweatshirt as I write this blog.  It says “Everything is My Fault”…and I love it.  I am all about taking responsibility for everything in my life and this sweatshirt empowers me when I wear it.  Visit Impact Theory to get some inspiration!

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 3.  Asking questions and hearing people’s stories

This one seems so obvious but I truly just learned its importance and magnitude at 41 years old.  To really hear someone’s story…man that is powerful and so inspiring.  Most of the time you have no idea the level of emotion that the people around you are carrying.  Most people will not just share that information either.  You have to give them a safe place to tell it (an honestly judgment-free zone) and ask them good questions.  Good questions come in the form of a genuine desire to learn about the person.  If you find yourself asking questions in hopes of getting the dirt on someone’s life that is the opposite of a safe place.  The information shared with you must be used for 2 main purposes…#1 to connect with the person that you are talking too and #2 to gain knowledge and insight that you can use in your own life.  These stories should NEVER be shared without the permission of the person telling them.

2018 is filled with opportunities and I believe these opportunities come in books, videos, and stories.  To be your very best self you must surround yourself with people who share that same desire and show action.  I consider the books, videos, and stories to be those people as well.  It doesn’t always have to be a physical person next to you it can simply be their ideals.

Read, watch, learn, grow….that’s where it’s at!!!  

This is why people like each other less and less these days

I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have heard people tell me that they just don’t like people….They go out of their way to avoid talking to others.  There is 1 specific reason for this.

People are not being real with one another

My boyfriend and I were having a conversation the other day after talking to a friend of ours that is knee-deep in the dating world.  It was so incredibly eye-opening for me because our friend was asking so many questions on how you are supposed to behave while dating…UGH!!!  It made me realize the reasons so many relationships that start strong take a turn for the worse.

When you are on a first date with someone you are at your absolute very best….often times you behave in a way that you think your date would view as your very best…not being authentic at all.  In other words you act in a way you think they will be attracted to instead of being yourself.   Well, here is the thing…when you present yourself in a specific way people will of course assume that is just who and how you are.  If this person is attracted to the “facade” you have created they are not truly interested in YOU…they are interested in the person you are acting like.  Eventually when you begin to feel more comfortable with this person you are going to start behaving as yourself.  Here is the thing though…the person you have been dating fell for that “other” person.  That is when things start to fall apart.

What if we were just our true, authentic, vulnerable, badass selves from day 1?  Let them see the real you.  I am not suggesting that you divulge your deepest darkest secrets. I am simply saying when it comes to getting to know each other…be honest…If they don’t like the real person you have shown them…move on but if they do you just surpassed a whole bunch of dating mind games.  What an amazing feeling.

If you at the end of the date you realize that you had a great time…no need to play hard to get.  If you want to call or text them the next day….do it.  Who made up these stupid ass 3 day rules anyway?

Let’s get back to a place in the world where we enjoy talking and getting to know others again.  But let’s do it as our true authentic selves.

This is what the path to greatness feel like

Over the course of the past 2 years I have truly come to realize that if you are not completely fucking terrified that you are at a standstill in personal growth.  That feeling of complete terror has actually become a place of comfort for you me.  It’s crazy how some things in life just become the new normal.

Embracing fear has become the mantra of my life.  I have actually gotten to a point of enjoying the feeling that fear gives.  My stomach starts to spin, I get very clammy, there is a feeling of shortness of breath, and my heart feels like it is pounding so hard you can see it through my skin.  When I start to feel those things I know that something amazing is going to happen.  It usually comes in the form of tragedy though…later revealing itself as a lesson.

How do you get to that place?  YOU CHOOSE IT! You CHOOSE TO change your perspective on terrifying moments.  When your gut tells you to run and hide from something you have to start hurling yourself into it instead….CHOOSING TO believe that is going to be great.

In my opinion there is nothing more terrifying than baring your soul….showing the world exactly who you are.  Taking off any mask that you have worn in hopes of acceptance.  That feeling of complete terror tells me that greatness is right around the corner.  The world doesn’t need a knock off of something else…which is exactly what a mask is. The world needs your true self…a fresh beautiful perspective that can only come from you.

What does greatness feel like to you?

What would happen if you could put Holiday Cheer in an airtight jar?

I was recently reading a really great blog post by Tom Bilyeu from Impact Theory.  It was titled “How to Manufacture Joy”.  Great article.  I will copy and paste it to the end of this blog for your reading pleasure.

It really made me think about the warm fuzzies me and so many others feel during this time of year.  Then that evolved to the thought “why can’t we feel like this all year round?” Which then evolved into “Duh, we can do whatever the hell we want to”.  The fact of the matter is that warm fuzzy feeling we have during the holiday season is nothing more than a conscious decision.  Imagine the happiness that would radiate from us and then eventually radiate onto those around us if we all created that feeling of love, happiness, and joy we have during the holiday season all year-long.

How do you do that you ask?  Well allow me to share!

  1.  Identify when you are experiencing those warm fuzzy feelings. 

While shopping for my loved ones the other day I realized that it is when I see something that makes me think of that loved one that I feel a great sense of joy.  It isn’t the item itself, it isn’t the purchase of the item, but the thinking of the person that gives me that feeling.  It made me realize that when you are doing your day-to-day routine….if you find yourself thinking about someone out of the blue simply texting that person and letting them know is so powerful.  That, in my opinion, is the ultimate gift.

2.   Act on it

After you have identified what gives you those feelings you have to act on creating those situations more frequently.  The holiday season most certainly does not have to be the only time in which you give gifts.  Also, gifts do not always have to be a tangible item.  There is no greater gift in the world than telling someone how amazing they are.  The gift of love and confidence…that’s where it’s at.  That moment that I decided I didn’t care if people thought I was crazy or weird for verbally expressing my thoughts of love, empathy, and compassion was the most freeing moment of my life.   Although I recognize that “words of affirmation” is not everyone’s love language…I know for certain it certainly doesn’t hurt anyone!  Not to mention we are talking about cultivating joy for yourself.  It makes ME feel good to tell others how awesome they are!

3.  Make a mental note of how you are feeling 

It is so important to take note of those warm fuzzy feelings.  When you recognize the actions that give you that feeling you are more likely to continue with those actions.  The more you give the more you get….it’s a never-ending cycle of warm fuzziness!  It is the epitome of having a jar in your brain that you can dip into whenever you need a dose of the warm fuzzies.

What it boils down to is being present….being on purpose….being INTENTIONAL.  Who are the most important people in your life.   Is it family, friends, co-workers, leaders, service providers???  Who makes you the person you are?  Those are the people you will start with.  Then let it spread like wildflowers!!

 

 

Here is the blog post I mentioned earlier.  I was titled how to manufacture joy

Dear Impactivists,

Let’s talk about holiday cheer for a second because I think it gets at one of my major life strategies.

I rarely think about this because it’s become so automatic for me, but it’s incredibly powerful.

What I’m about to break down for you in the guise of holiday cheer is actually what I also credit with keeping my marriage awesome nearly 20 years in.

Before we dive in, here’s the punchline: You can manufacture authentic emotions.

I’m not religious at all, but Christmas is by far my favorite time of year. Why? Because it’s a time of year where the whole world has decided they’re going to allow themselves to feel joyful even though it’s literally the coldest, darkest time of year.

If I had to guess, that’s exactly why so many cultures have massive mid-winter celebrations. They needed something to combat the emotional doldrums that come with the winter weather.

What I want you all to take away from that though is that simply saying “It’s time to party” can shift your emotional state. Once you buy into the fact that you can simply shift your emotional state with the addition of an external thing like a party, then it’s one more small step to buy into the fact that you can shift your emotional state, well, just because.

Once you realize that you can shift your mental state simply by deciding to, that’s when the world of emotional control will open up before you.

Here’s how it goes:

Step 1: Decide to Change

First, you need to decide that you’re going to shift your emotional state. This can be born from the realization that you’re not in a good emotional state, or it can be for something like increasing your level of excitement around achieving your goals.

Step 2: Choose Your Target

Once you know you want to change you need to decide what it is EXACTLY that you want to feel.

What’s the goal here? Are you trying to get amped about what you’re creating? Trying to really embody gratitude? Remember how much you love your significant other?

Whatever it is, get clarity around it. Set your intention.

Step 3: Focus Your Attention

Remember: you get what you focus on. If you’re focusing on negative stuff, you’re going to fill with negative emotions. Conversely, if you focus on positive stuff, you’re going to fill with positive emotions.

It really is that simple.

So if you’re trying to fill yourself with love for your significant other or excitement for your goal, then focus your attention INTENSELY on what it is about that thing that excites you.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I hate the gym, but honestly most times I don’t even think about it. On days when it’s getting to me, I think about how awesome it is to look good naked, or how dope it is to be strong – or my personal favorite – the thought of living forever.

Once I’m refilled with excitement for that outcome, I find it very easy to start pushing hard again.

Step 4: Self-Signal

Alright, this is the advanced class portion. If you really want to supercharge your emotional state, surround yourself with things that continually reinforce that feeling.

Christmas is the perfect example. My house looks like we should be selling tickets. There are lights, trees, and Christmas music everywhere. Everywhere you turn, you’re greeted with things that reinforce the joyfulness of the season.

For Lisa and I it really is a magical wonderland. We watch Christmas movies, wear Christmas clothing, and dance every chance we get. All of that continually reinforces the feelings that we want to have.

And there you have it, my systematic way of manufacturing joy. Even I have to laugh at the way that sounds. I don’t leave anything to chance – least of all my emotional state. I just hope that this breakdown helps you not only have a more jolly holiday season, but a more jolly life in general.

Mad love to all of you at this wonderful time of year! Until next time, my friends, be legendary.

– Tom