In my effort to continue growing into my best possible self I have started reading a book called “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” by John Maxwell. Having not even gotten halfway through the book yet it has already blown my mind a million times over and again. One particular thing that keeps running through my head is a riddle that the author’s father told him. “5 frogs sat on a log. 4 decided to jump off. How many frogs are left”? Of course we would all answer 1, right? The answer is 5. The author’s father continues “There is a difference between deciding to do something and doing it”. HOLY SCHNICKEY’S!!!! MIND BLOWN!!!! A life of actions will take you a 100% further than a life of good intentions. When faced with something in which we have no guaranteed outcome, which in reality is everything, our brains and bodies go into self preservation mode. Our brains start convincing us that this new thing we are considering is dangerous and we shouldn’t do it. It disguises fear as practicality and we don’t pursue what we really want. The truth is there are ZERO guarantees in life. Whatever it is that you truly want out of life you might as well pursue because as Jim Carrey says “You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love”. Remember, if it was easy everyone would do it. Think about the worlds most successful people. Whether their success comes in the form of money, power, social movements, athleticism…you choose. Those people did not just fall into those positions. The pushed through! They failed many times before finally getting to those statuses…and then they failed some more. Failure is nothing more that proof that you are trying something. If there was a piece of advice that I could go back and give my “young self” it would be “fail as many times as it takes to succeed”. It is never too late though. Whether you are 7 or 70…it is never too late to reach for the stars. So what the hell are you waiting for???? Oh I know….you wanted to finish reading this incredible newsletter before you go and conquer the world….well here ya go…its the end of the newsletter and the beginning of your new life! Go get em’
I was recently introduced to an article about a hairstylist who is making $600,000 a year. That does not include her tips BTW. Of course as a fellow hairstylist I was intrigued and decided to give the article a gander to see what this woman was doing that maybe I myself was not. I had become more and more enthralled by this woman the more I read because I realized that she was able to generate this income without offering any sort of color services. In my head I am thinking “Holy silk sheets….this just became way more impressive” This woman works for a salon..she is not the owner…she is NOT a celebrity stylist…she makes $600,000 a year by doing haircuts, extensions, and thermal straightening only. MIND BLOWN….but wait there is more. This woman’s haircut prices are actually reasonably priced. $80…not cheap of course but not astronomical. So this woman has my juices flowin’…I am learning more and more…I am all excited….I am about to learn the secret…I am going to make millions…..here we go!!! I am at the edge of my seat…the interviewer asks…”how many days a week do you work”….Literally falling off of my seat with excitement….she answers….”7 days a week”. I instantly felt like someone just kicked my cat. But then…immediately after I felt like a queen…here is why. I was waiting to hear this secret….the secret to making over a half a million a year doing basically haircutting only at a price that doesn’t even make me bat an eye. But, at what expense? 7 DAYS A WEEK??? I had this major epiphany. This woman may have more money than me but I am FAR richer than she. I have a life filled with meaningful relationships. This could not be lived while working 7 days a week. One question I ask myself frequently is ”if today, you found out that you had 1 week to live what are the things you would wish you had done differently”? Never…and I mean NEVER do I hear the words “I wish I would have worked more”. In fact you know what you hear more times than not? “I wish I would have gave my family more of my attention” or “I wish I would have LIVED more of a life. As far as I am concerned…you can keep your $600,000 a year and I will keep my breakfast and coffee with the man I love. I will keep my Sunday afternoons at the park with my Grandson. I will keep my Saturday nights laughing hysterically with my friends and family. While I am at it I will also keep sleeping in on a Sunday morning with the window open and the breeze blowing in while I snuggle up with my man and my favorite blanket. It’s funny how all of a sudden $600,000 a year doesn’t sound all that desirable. Don’t get me wrong. I will continue to reach for the moon but I will do so living, laughing, and loving the entire damn way!!! XOXO
For a while now I have tried to allow myself to sit in silence and just be ok….not reach for my phone, not jump on Facebook…just be. The challenge came to me after seeing a video years ago with the comedian Louis C.K. If you are unfamiliar with his standup do yourself a favor and check it out but please make sure the kids are in bed ;). I have attached the video to the end of this newsletter so you can experience it first hand. I remember feeling dumbfounded after listening to this interview because I learned this profound life lesson from a man that talks about flipping his 4 year old off from behind. Also because this video is a snippet of the Conan O’Brien Show which it also another place you would not expect to have your life changed. This just further proves my theory that you can find inspiration in EVERYTHING!
The question asked is why he would not allow his children to have a cell phone. The answer is literally 5 minutes long but genius. He begins by saying that cell phones are taking away our children’s sense of empathy. His example was that if you call a person fat to their face you will physically see the hurt you have caused them and realize it doesn’t feel good to do that to someone. However if you text that same thing to the same person you do not see the reaction and do not feel that pain associated with it. He later goes on to talk about an experience that he had when he was driving around in his car and a specific Springsteen song came on that triggered some feeling of hurt from his youth. His instinct was to reach for his phone to distract himself from the pain but decided against it. He made the decision to just feel the pain. He had to pull the car over and just cry. But in that moment of experiencing pain he began to experience feelings of joy. This made me think about my goddess Brene Brown whom you have heard me reference time and time again. Brene had said in one of her TedTalks once that you cannot selectively numb. When you numb pain…you numb joy, you numb happiness. Some people may turn to drugs as their numbing agent…some alcohol…food….shopping…cutting….and some…social media…texting…anything that takes the focus off their pain. Let’s face it….there is a lot of pain in this world…. We experience pain on a daily basis. Somethings more painful than others. After watching this again recently it made me think about how we do anything we can to keep our kids entertained every second of everyday. We never allow them to just be. By taking that away we are taking away their ability to deal with emotions. When we give our toddlers an iPad because they are fidgety and restless we take away the opportunity for them to be uncomfortable which is huge. Do not get me wrong…every parent needs a few moments every day to collect their thoughts and iPads and TVS for the kids are excellent resources for that but maybe not for hours on end. Or when our teenagers are engaging in hurtful conversations via text. We have to teach our younger generations how to have face to face conversations. Sometimes uncomfortable conversations are a must and they must be done in person. Is it easier to do it via text….HELL YEA but I think we all know that the easy way is not always the right way. When we fill our kids’ day with stuff and things…play dates, sports, music lessons, tutoring, dance, gymnastics…they never learn to just be. They never learn how to enjoy their own company. We have to get back to the art of life balance. Everything is great in moderation. The most fit people in the world can eat McDonalds every single day….Can they eat a big mac, fries, and coke everyday and expect to be healthy…of course not but if they took 1-2 bites a day of one of those things they could still be the picture of health. I think it is so important that we all just take a few moments a day to just be. Silence…feel whatever you are feeling. Maybe you’ll cry and have no idea why and that is ok. Maybe you’ll rage out…scream into a pillow….that’s ok too! Just let yourself be….sad or mad or happy…whatever your mind and body are feeling don’t push it down…don’t reach for your phone, alcohol, drugs, food, credit card….whatever your medium is. I have fallen in love with myself again just by allowing myself to feel what I am feeling. I know for certain after you start practicing this you will fall in love with yourself even more too! Here’s that video…enjoy.
One of my most favorite quotes…and you will have to forgive me for a little of the foul language but I feel it adds the necessary impact. “If you are reading this, you have SURVIVED your entire life up until this point. You have survived traumas, heartbreak, devastation, and the different phases of life. And here you are! You go, motherfucker…you’re awesome” See what I mean…the language is necessary for impact 😉
I love this quote because it just proves that everything works itself out. Think back to all the horrible things that life has dealt you and the people around you. We have all been impacted by death, divorce, disease, disparity, heartbreak, and that feeling of hopelessness. Whether we have experienced these suffrages personally or if it was someone we knew…we have been impacted. And look at you now! You made it…you survived! If in your darkest days you can think about that quote just imagine how much easier it could be to make it through. Just knowing that you have overcome every single obstacle that has ever been presented to you. You now have the confidence to get through your next obstacle with a more positive attitude. You can harness all that energy that would have been wasted on worry and fear and use it for other things like playing with your kids or date nights with your husband. Its actually pretty easy to imagine a life in which you make it through every hard time….you’ve already been doing it!!!!
Many people know that I spend much of my time evolving myself and my company. Anytime you are growing as a person or as a business for that matter you are often times met with resistance from those around you. Let’s face it, change can be difficult. The change is even more difficult when you yourself have no control over the change of another person. As I go through this evolution process I have come across so many “standards” or what is considered “normal”. This is something I really can’t wrap my head around. Who sets these standards? Who decided what normal is? I feel that social media only perpetuates this notion of “normalcy” in which in my opinion is not a standard in which we can all measure ourselves. My normal and your normal are 2 completely different things. Sometimes…our “normals” are a sink full of dishes, an un-showered body, laundry piled up, and you laying on the couch watching bad reality TV. Guess what…that is your normal for that moment. The next day may be a spotless house, you looking like you’re about to walk a runway, and a 5 course meal being prepared. What I am getting at is this “normal” standard that basically makes us feel like failures is not OUR normal. Your normal is what makes you feel at peace. Your normal is the behavior that allows you to be at your very best not only for yourself but also for the people you love and care about most. Referencing last months newsletter the only way we can really be great is to allow ourselves to be seen as who we truly are. To allow ourselves to be vulnerable and show people we are not perfect however we are doing the best that we can. So, I challenge you to find, own, and exhibit your own “normal” whatever that might look like! You will be a happier, more relaxed person therefore you will be at your very best.
I have the privilege of being a guest artist for many of the cosmetology schools in the area. My presentation is really more business related as they have artists coming in all the time showing cut and color. I talk more about personal branding, building and keeping clientele, and tracking your success. Part of being great is aligning yourself with the right people. Finding a coach to support you and push you further than you can push yourself. I equate it to having a personal trainer…If you have worked with a personal trainer you know first hand how they will push you much much further than you would ever push yourself. I feel like the same can be said for your personal life too. Finding a coach, someone you can emulate to make you greater. I have SOOOO many coaches…most of whom not only have no idea they are my coach but also have no clue I even exist!!! Brene Brown, Zig Ziglar, and John Paul Dejoria just to name a few. However, many of you are my coaches as well. People that I have the pleasure of talking to on a regular basis. Surrounding yourself with people that you admire and want to be like, in my opinion, can be considered your coach. Anyone that makes you want to be better…is a coach. I have so many people ask me how is it that I am so happy all of the time. The truth is, when I feel like I am struggling and just having a difficult time dealing with what life throws at me the first question I ask myself is “do I have any control over this situation”? More times than not the answer is no so I make the decision to leave it to the universe to handle. Many times I struggle with releasing control of these situations and this is when I turn to my coaches. TedTalks is where I find myself turning when I just cant find the answer. This is where many of my coaches live. We have coaches throughout our entire lives when it comes to education and careers…Our teachers, athletic coaches, our professors, our managers/bosses…but what about matters of the heart. Who are those coaches? It’s just important to be great in our personal relationships as it is with our business. Life is hard. There are so many ups and downs. It is impossible for us to rely solely on ourselves to handle these trying times gracefully. We all have weak moments, we all have our failing moments…Do not waste the pain of those moments…seek out your coach to get you through and come out at the end of the game as a true champion.
I will leave you with this TedTalk from Brene Brown. This one 20 minute video changed my life and changed the way I chose to live my life. Enjoy!
The other day I was able to witness something so beautiful and heartwarming I started crying right in the middle of a haircut. A woman was getting her hair shampooed and received a call from her son saying that he was accepted into his #2 choice of schools. This came just after hearing that he was not accepted into his #1 choice which hit him and his mother pretty hard. The emotion that was exchanged on that phone call was amazing. She was so happy and so incredibly emotional she couldn’t help but just start crying…and as a result….I too was crying. The hardest part for her was being locked into a still position as she was trapped and the basin with a head full of suds!!! All she wanted to do, and you could feel it, was jump out of that chair and run around screaming “HE GOT IN”. The funny part about this is she was talking about how it had been such a bad day just before receiving the call. I recently saw a quote that was so perfect for this moment and it tied into so many other things in my life. “Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place”. This kid was devastated that he was not accepted by his 1st choice of school but after hearing all the pros of the 2nd choice it sounded like it was the best thing that could’ve happened. This really confirmed a philosophy that I have recently started living by. The universe has a plan so just relax and let it do its work. So many things are out of our control so let’s not waste a moment of time worrying about it. One way or another it all works out so take that energy that you used to spend worrying and use it spreading love and joy to all those around you. XOXO