Facing mortality as a healthy 39 year old woman

If you guys took a gander at my “about me” section of this delicious little blog site then you know that it was at 39 years old that I seriously changed the direction of my life. 39 years is all the life my mother ever lived after being killed in a car accident. I was 17 at the time. At 17 you think 39 is old. Well as I crept closer and closer to 39 I could not stop thinking “oh my god, this is all the life she has EVER lived’. Truth be told I have lived far more life than my Mother ever did. I have traveled more than she, studied personal development more than she, delved into different cultures more than she. My Mother was an incredible, caring, funny, beyond beautiful woman but she really didn’t live much life…who knows maybe if she was here today she would tell you differently however from my perspective she was very sheltered. As I crept closer to that 39 year mark I realized that there is zero guarantee of the next moment in your life. The only guarantee is the exact moment you are living in so you better make the absolute most of it. As I looked around I found myself living a life that I was not happy with and it was at that moment that I made a decision…a decision to live an intentional life. I was married to a man that I had grown apart from. This moment of clarity came days before our 13th anniversary. It was just 2 years before that he had had an affair and turned my world upside down. Although at the time of his affair I can certainly say that I was not happy in my marriage but I thought that I could trust more than anyone. We had married after only 8 weeks of knowing each other and we were very much in love. After about 10 years of what I would call a really great marriage this started to change as I was moving up in my career. I really began to focus on personal development, leadership, and intense goal planning. My husband (at the time) was very happy exactly where he was and had no intention of growing….or if he did have the intention he didn’t have the follow through. That was when we started growing apart. It had become very clear to me that he could never truly give me what I needed from a partner but I trusted him incessantly. I was willing to forego all of the other attributes that I would love to have in a partner knowing that I had that strong element of trust. In 2012 that trust was destroyed as I learned he had an affair. Next to my mothers untimely demise it was the 2nd most devastating moment of my life. I had no idea that such physical pain could come from heartbreak. After a little time he had convinced me to try again. I will never forget the words he used to give it another go. “It will never be the same as it was but it could be something better”. I was beyond intriguing to me and honestly 100% true. It could have been something better….if things had changed. Over the course of the next 2 years things just never really got better. I knew that they never would but I was really putting my energy into my career. Fast forward to the looming 39th birthday and everything flipped like a switch. I realized that if god forbid something happened to me and my life came to an end I would have felt very unfulfilled. I made a decision to start living the life that I wanted to live and it had to start with getting out of a marriage that was not good for either of us. I made the decision to separate and very soon after…divorce. I quickly moved to a town that I had been dreaming if living for as long as I could remember…but the “time was never right”. I put that in quotes because one of the things I have learned is that the time is never right but you do it anyway and it all comes together…which is exactly what happened.
I share this story with you in hopes that if you have found yourself in a situation in which you are not happy it CAN be fixed. Whatever the situation is it can be changed. You either have to remove yourself from the situation or change your mindset about the situation. Very often I have found that simply changing my approach or the way I think about something fixes the problem. Please share with me some of the challenges you are facing. Please comment below. I would love to be the neutral party that could possibly help you get through a trying time.