What would you do???

I have had so many people tell me recently about the level of funk they are living in right now.  I don’t mean the music genre in which you just can’t help but dance to (cue Funk #49 by the James Gang…my jam)…I mean a deep, dark, depressive state that has robbed them of motivation, inspiration, and self compassion.  This is definitely something that I can relate to.  I know for certain that the season most certainly is a contributing factor but I really think there is more to it.  I can remember last winter being in one of the darkest eras of my life.  I was so depressed and sad all the time.  I had made a vow to myself to make a point of doing everything I could not to fall down that rabbit hole again.  I can say without a shadow of doubt that I am in a MUCH MUCH better place than I was last year thanks to self-awareness, self compassion, and self-care!  However…as hard as I have tried there is still something dragging me down.  

I made it a point to do some journaling….VERY intentional journaling cause, ya know, intentionally lola…it’s what I do 🙂 What I mean by intentional is that although I am a firm believer in writing down exactly what you are thinking and feeling in the moment…ZERO SELF EDITING… And just putting it all out there…it’s such a great release…. I needed something more definitive than that.  I wrote down the things that were really eating away at me, aka the problem, and then I wrote down the advice I would give to someone else if they came to me with that problem, aka the solution.  One thing I know about myself is that, thanks to my spirit guides and intuition, I am great at guiding people through their darkest moments…because I passionately believe in the power of the human spirit…but here is the kicker…I’m not nearly as good at doing that for myself.  I wrestle with the “you’re not good enough’s” and the “who do you think you are’s” quite frequently.  I believe in everyone else 100%… but myself…not quite as much…funny.  Now this is something I work on every moment of everyday and I get better every second!  I would actually like for you to sit on that for just a minute because what I am saying is that I am changing daily…my self belief has grown exponentially in the past 4 years….which means it is a learned behavior…not something you are born with!!!  CAN WE PLEASE REPEAT THAT….SLOWLY…It is a (dramatic pause) learned behavior!

So here is what my intuition and spirit guide are telling me.  There needs to be a major shift in perspective.  Instead of focusing on the things that you are failing at…focus on all the growth you have had.  Focus on all those successes.  Draw energy from those things that you do so well, forgive yourself for all the things that you are doing not so well, and believe in yourself strongly enough to know that you will get there…slowly but surely…you will get there!  Those words are for me and for any other person out there reading this that is struggling alongside me!  

Since I had 2 things that I was really struggling with…here is the other message from my intuition and spirit guide.  That feeling you have right now coming from something you regret…remember that feeling.  Keep that feeling only as a reminder of when that thing that gave it to you shows up again that you choose differently….let me rewind for a second….keep it as a reminder….not a tool to keep torturing yourself…you made a bad choice…forgive yourself.  Now file that problem away and reflect it on in the future when you are faced with a similar challenge.  It will serve a purpose to direct you to respond in a way that you are proud of. 

My intention behind Intentionally Lola is to help people get through limiting beliefs by letting them know that they are not alone.  By shifting their perspectives.  I think the most powerful words in the world are “me too”…. Knowing you are not alone in these struggles.  Life is too short to live small!  We can be the support each other through our daily struggles.  

What advice would you give to the person that is experiencing your current struggle?

The misconception of the New Year’s Resolution

Being a hairstylist and a salon owner I get the opportunity to hear hundred of people’s stories.  These stories come from the guests who sit in my chair and entrust me with their confidence that comes from looking their very best and also from my team who entrust me with enriching their lives with meaning and purpose in their careers.

To give you a little insight into the life of a hairstylist there is something magical about a stylist’s chair.  The second a guest sits down they become completely open and vulnerable.  People share stories and thoughts with their hairstylist that they wouldn’t dare share with even those closest to them.  This is one of the best parts about my industry.  The connections we make with people because of the rawness and realness they are willing to share.  You can become an expert in the human psyche simply by listening to the stories people share with you.  I have learned so much about myself in this process.  An example is how less lonely I feel knowing that even the most beautiful/handsome, successful, put together, intelligent people have the same struggles as I do.  It has made me realize that no matter your background, upbringing, sex, race, or creed we are all the same.  We all want the same things for ourselves and our tribes…we all just want to be loved and to give love!   We all just do things differently based on our lenses of life.

And to you give you a little insight on the life of a salon owner…that is a whole other story.  Being a leader to my team, vulnerability is not served to me on a tray like that of a hairstylist.  It takes a keen observation and a willingness to have tough and uncomfortable conversations to get to that level with your staff.  I guess that comes from fear maybe.   It is my responsibility as a leader to be the support system as I push them far outside of their comfort zones.  To inspire and motivate them to pursue a life they didn’t even know was possible for themselves.  To grow their technical abilities as well as elevate their level of exceptional service for a guest…All while handling the day to day business which includes budgets, payroll, taxes, marketing and advertising, P&L meetings, continuously evolving a brand, recruiting, creating and upholding systems, satisfying unhappy customers, technical, service, and management classes, and working on my own personal growth.   Phew….that was exhausting just explaining it.

Well, in my pursuit of greatness I have learned so many things but one of the biggest is that a goal aka a resolution is a quest that requires time, patience, and self forgiveness.  How often have you made a resolution, flopped, and just threw your hands in the air and said well, I guess I failed? and simply go back to your old ways?  I see it ALL THE TIME…gyms see a huge decline of new members within just a few weeks of joining after making a resolution to lose weight and get fit after the new year.  I’m sure this is so true of hundred of different industries.  I’m sure the tobacco industry takes a hit the first few weeks of the new year as people resolve to quit smoking or using chewing tobacco…Investment bankers probably see a big upswing the first quarter of the year and then see a bit of a decline as people go back to old spending habits.

I think we should think of a new years resolution as having 12 full months of evolving one particular thing in our personality.  When you go in knowing that there will inevitably be a failure you will  be more likely to forgive yourself and try again.  A resolution should not be the act of perfecting something immediately rather taking a year to practice something daily until you master it by the end of the year.  What if we resolved to “practice” a new thing everyday?  Instead of making a resolution to lose weight…what if you resolved to practice making healthier decisions with each meal or snack?  What if instead of making a resolution to “get fit” you resolved to practice being more active once a day?  Instead of making a resolution to get rid of all the clutter in your home…what if you resolved to practice getting rid of unnecessary things that don’t bring you joy once a day?  If you fail one day because you were too tired, you forgot, you were too busy…forgive yourself and do it tomorrow.  What if now you let a week or a month slip by…it’s a new day… start over right now!!!  You still have another 11 months to master this new practice.  Then if you still haven’t mastered it…you have another whole year after that….

There is this huge misconception that to change things in our lives we have to do it in these big grandious kind of measures.  We end up setting ourselves up for failure.  The human brain is not designed that way.  We have to slowly introduce this new thing into our lives.  Remember slow and steady wins the race.

If you have set a new years resolution and have quit…it’s a new day.  You have a huge opportunity to get back up and try again.  You still have 11 months to make this resolution or goal of yours a reality!!

What was your resolution?  What have you done to keep yourself focused on the goal and not slip into bad habits?  If youve given up..what can you do tomorrow to take a small step back into it?

My resolution…To be a more inspiring, effective, and strong leader….I have definitely had my bad days.  The gloom and cold winter days have taken a lot of wind out of my sails.  But, everyday I get up and seek out whatever inspiration I need at that moment to move me forward.  It’s so hard but I know that it is worth it.

I really need your help in spreading the power of intentional living.   I am so thankful for all the blogs and stories that I have read to keep me going…if those stories had not been shared by others I wouldn’t be who I am today.  Share Intentionally Lola with everyone!!!  We all need that extra little boost to reach our level of greatness!!!

 

You can also find me on the following links

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Intentionally Lola

Burying your own demons with your loved one

Yesterday we laid my 84 year old grandmother to rest. It is very difficult to put into words how I feel about this. At the time of her death she was experiencing zero quality of life so I am thankful that she is no longer suffering. I’m not really mourning her death so much as I am mourning our family as it once was.

My grandmother lived a tumultuous life to say the very least. She harbored demons from her own horrible upbringing that ultimately led to her raising her own children in horrible, abusive, and destructive conditions.

By the time I was born my grandmother had begun her evolution into the kind, loving, gentle, funny, AMAZINGLY STRONG woman that I knew. I only knew of this other version of her because of the demons that grew in her offspring as a result of their upbringing.

My father, who is the most amazing man I have ever known, has spent every moment that I can remember battling those demons. In his youth he had succumb to a life of drugs and alcoholism. It wasn’t until my mother decided she just couldn’t spend one more day in that life that my father finally hit rock bottom. With a broken heart, broken dreams, and with the demons of his childhood all looming over his head he mustered enough strength to rise up and begin his rebirth.

To be perfectly clear my father never once bashed my grandmother in anyway. He never dragged her name through the dirt however he was very transparent with me and my siblings about his discrepancies. He used his own personal stories as examples of what not to do. We spent MOST of our youth going to AA meetings, listening to stories of how drugs and alcohol have ruined so many lives, being exposed to every possible walk of life. We were shown what a life of trying to numb your pain leads to.

I feel that my fiancé, Heath described my Grandmothers change so beautifully. Atonement! That is exactly what it was. My grandmother NEVER talked about the pain, abuse, alcoholism, or demons of her upbringing nor did she ever address it with her children. It was kind of the elephant in the room but she spent the entire second part of her life trying to make up for it by loving on every human being she came in contact with. If you were in my grandmothers presence you felt like family. You were loved and you were WELL FED!!! She lived to serve. She made it a point to enjoy every second that she had with every person she was with. Family was her #1 priority.

When my grandmother fell ill all of the responsibility fell on the shoulders of my father…the oldest. He was the executor. He was forced to make the tough decisions. I think this was the most beautiful gift he could have ever been given. This gave my father the opportunity to see his mother…someone who he held so much animosity towards…differently. In the process of preparing for her parting something happened. Although they never directly spoke about their pain there was an understanding. My father went from calling her by her first name as he always had to calling her Ma.

The day my grandmother passed my father was on his way home to Illinois from Mississippi. I and the rest of the immediate family spent our day all around her bed letting her know that it was ok…she could let go. My father was on speaker phone telling her the same thing. She held on until he got there. He, his wife Terri, her granddaughter Sarah, and her 2 sons all stood around the bed saying their goodbyes and giving her love. My amazing stepmother Terri…my father’s rock…a woman who is truly a mother to me…she gave my father a gift that night…she whispered to my dad while at my grandmothers side “tell her you forgive her”. My father said to his mother at that moment “Mother, I forgive you”. Moments later she took her last breath. Both my father and my grandmother were free. She died peacefully knowing that she had the forgiveness of a person she had wronged in the worst way…my father can now live the rest of his life without those demons that have tormented him.

We all have demons. We are all struggling with something. I cannot express the importance of seeing this. We spend so much of our time judging others for the way they live their lives…for the decisions they make. The fact is we have no idea what it is that they are facing. We are ALL just doing the very best we can. It is so important to be a support system for everyone around us. To lift them in their darkest hour rather than kick them while their down. It’s all about love people. Everyone NEEDS love. Everyone needs to give love.

Forgive those that have wronged you!!! Forgive them for your own wellbeing. Remember forgiveness is not saying what that other person did was ok it’s simply releasing yourself of that pain.

I am so grateful for all the pain we have experienced. If it weren’t for the pain that my grandmother experienced as a child, the pain she caused her own children….none of us would be who we are today. It was because of all that pain that my grandmother was able to love the way she did. It was because of all that pain that my father paved a new path for me and my siblings. Thank you god for pain!!!

Perspective people…that’s what it’s all about. Use all that pain as your motivation to be better!!!!

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Help those around you see life differently by sharing these new perspectives with them.

You can also find me on the following links

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Intentionally Lola

My superpower and how it can serve you

Today I got to enjoy a snowday and it changed me. It brought me one step closer to my life’s purpose…I am certain of it. Today I was supposed to be at the gym at 5 a.m., do a presentation at 9:30 am, and then meet my accountant at 1:30 pm to go over budgeting and projections for next year. Thanks to the baby blizzard we had here in Northern Illinois I instead was able to sleep in, lay in bed, listen to podcasts, watch my inspirational videos, and process how they speak to my soul (still got to the gym in the evening though). I was able to just be still…mind, body, and soul. This is something we all need on a regular basis. It is in that stillness that we either are re-acquainted with our life’s purpose or where we see it for the first time.
From a fairly young age I felt that I was destined for something bigger than the life I was living. There was just this burning desire for something more…I have no idea what that more was though. I just knew that the small town that I lived in, the lack of direction I had, and the choices I was making were not what I was meant for.
1994 was a big year for me…not a good one but a big one. I was 3 months pregnant and due to marry my unborn child’s father 2 days after my Mother was killed in her tragic car accident. The following 3 months of my pregnancy were hard. Very hard. Neither my 17 year old self of my 20 year old husband were fit to be partners or parents for that matter. We had no idea how to support one another emotionally. He was still living the life of a 20 year old…partying with all his buddies, messing around with girls, and living his life the way he wanted to live it. I don’t resent him in anyway…we were children…what the hell did we know. While he was out living it up I was on a downward spiral. My Mother, whom I was very close with, had just been ripped away from me and my 11 year old brother. My brother Ryan and I were both at a place where we NEEDED our Mother. I know for certain that if it weren’t for my daughter I would have killed myself. I dreamt of suicide daily. I hated myself, I hated my life, and I hated the universe for taken my Mother away. I was so lonely, angry, and completely lost. But I had a child growing inside of me…I couldn’t take her life…and I knew that when she was born she would need me. I now believe she was given to me to get me through the most excrutiating time of my life.
I am thankful for all the people in my life that tried so hard to give me direction and support. My Mother-In-Law Sheila and my Father-In-Law Ray…they took me in as if I was their own. My best friends parents, Grandma Nancy and Papa Wayne…they were always my 2nd family. Last but certainly not least my Father Ivan and my Step-Mother Terri. They tried so hard to connect with me and guide me but it was not until years later that I was at a place that I could see and accept that.
I can remember 5 years into my marriage realizing this was not the life for me. Ironically that came at a time that my husband at the time was ready to settle down. He was ready to give me everything that I needed all along…but it was too late. I saw a life out there…and I was ready to live it. I had definitely gone through a period of wild, erratic, and, self destructive behavior. It was a dark period. I was 23…I had no one to answer to…I had no direction what so ever. I was lost. Thankfully my Dad never gave up on me even though I am certain there were hundreds of times we wanted to. Dad!!!! Thank you for not giving up on me!!! Thank you thank you thank you….a million times thank you!
It was my Dad and my Step Mother that pointed me in the direction of the beauty industry. They knew I needed a trade and doing hair and makeup was always something I enjoyed. I think at the time I was just like “ok, that sounds like fun” so I jumped in. They supported me through the entire process. They saw me evolve from this quiet sheepish young girl into this pierced, tattooed, mohawk having, wild one.
I met my 2nd husband around the same time that I started my career. We quickly merged our families, moved in together, and married. I think we were together for 8 weeks before we said our vows. That marriage served as a period of growth for me. I evolved and he was happy where he was. We grew apart and he had an affair. I recognize that we were not giving each other what the other needed. He simply made the decision to go find it somewhere else. Although I was very unhappy in our marriage and knew that we would likely never stand the test of time the pain of betrayal was still one of the greatest pains I had ever experienced. I knew that he could never offer me financial stability, he could never push me to be better, he could never be the partner I needed…but I was CERTAIN that I could trust him in matters of the heart…I will remember the day that I realized I was wrong for the rest of my life. Although my heart has been put back together and it is stronger than ever it bears an immense scar that will unfortunately never go away.
These are simply a few of the most devastating blows that I have experienced in my life. This does not even scratch the surface of all the pain and suffering I have felt. Why do I share this with you????
Every single moment in my life has served a purpose. I have been given the GIFT of experiencing all of these tragedies so that I can serve the people around me. I have been given the gift of experiencing these things but I have not been burdened with remembering the pain itself. I can only remember the lesson in and of itself.
My super power is that of offering shifts of perspective…I can help heal people simply by offering them perspectives on how their own pain is serving a purpose.
My teenage pregnancy (I was on birth control btw) was to carry me through my upcoming darkest hour, my Mother’s death has made me the strong independent woman I am now and also allowed for my breakthrough moment at 39 years old (the age she was at her death), my ex-husbands affair taught me how to love myself. Every single moment in my life has served as a lesson…here’s the catch though…I think some of these lessons are meant for you!!!
There is a reason you are reading this…there are no coincidences. I believe I am a healer…I can help those who are feeling lost. It is through my story that you or someone you know will heal.
The beauty industry has allowed me to connect with hundreds if not thousands of people. It is my platform. Not only do I absorb my own stories to use in your healing process but I am able to use the stories from so many of the people I work with to serve others as well.
My super power is shape shifting…shifting the shape of your perspective.
I would love to help you break through the obstacle you are currently dealing with. Contact me. Allow my pain to serve as a purpose of breaking through all of your barriers. Share this with your tribe. Let us not waste pain!!!
By the way, I have a whole new appreciation for snow!!!

Talking about love is like dancing to architecture

If you have never seen the movie Playing by Heart do yourself a favor and watch it….thank me later.  The movie is about different relationships in different phases…5 different couples experiencing different life trials, tribulations, and triumphs.  I love this movie.  There are so many different things to be learned in regards to matters of the heart.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Angelina Jolie’s character said “Talking about love is like dancing to architecture”.  No truer words have ever been written or spoken.  This is a line that has always resonated with me but never more than it did this week.

In a conversation with Heath, my fiancé, the subject of setting a date came up.  There was a sense of urgency.  Up until this point we had said that it would be a while before we even thought about getting married.  There would be no ceremony we would just wake up one day and say ok…today is the day.  Well, something changed.   On October 22 a young man named Shane Bodven passed away suddenly.  He was 39 years old, had 5 children between himself and his fiancé, and was supposed to marry the love of his life, Erica Beiser, on November 4th.  He passed about 13 days before his wedding.  He was mowing his lawn, came in to use the restroom and when Erica realized he had been inside for a while she went to check on him.  She found him unconscious…called 911 and performed CPR.  When the paramedics arrived they worked for 40 minutes to resuscitate him but unfortunately it was too late.

This was a man who Heath worked with.  Through conversations at work they found they had VERY similar stories. They had both been married and divorced and had both reconnected with women from their youth.  Heath was my very first boyfriend…like my first real relationship when I was 15 years old.  From what I understand it was a somewhat similar story for Shane and Erica.

As you know when something tragic like this happens it changes your perspective on EVERYTHING.  Especially when that person’s story is so similar to yours.  Heath had just had a text conversation with him the night or 2 before which adds to the ton of brick you feel falling on your head.

When something like this happens you start to visualize this tragedy through your own lens.  Heath is now imagining himself passing away and leaving me with nothing that he is working so hard to create for us.  He also starts to think about him never being able to introduce me as his wife or see me sign my name as Gina Petty…(that is the first time I have ever seen that written out and it gave me goosebumps).  His perspective has completely changed. It is a breakthrough moment.

Heath’s strong suit had never been practicing vulnerability although he gets better and better at it everyday and I am so proud of him for it.  I didn’t realize how badly this tragedy had fucked him up.  This pain has been sitting inside of him for a few weeks now and I didn’t realize it.  He is feeling this sense of mortality.  Now there is this sense of urgency in his life’s plan.  Before knowing how heartbroken he was over this he had mentioned to me that he thinks it’s time for us to start thinking about getting married.  I had responded in a “what’s the rush” kind of way.  This spiraled into an incomprehensible conversation about our feelings for one another.

A couple of years ago Heath and I had actually made up a word in hopes of helping it communicate our feelings for one another.  We had said there is no word in any language that explains the love we have for one another.  Until “said word” was created we would just have to create one ourselves…Sedward.  Get it until said word exists…sedward.  This word is inscribed on the back of my engagement ring.  We would use this word to describe our love for one another.  We quickly found out that it still didn’t communicate what we were feeling…It ended up then being we love each other more than sedward.  The point is that we can make up word after word after word but it will never encompass the intense love you have for your partner.

IMG_7055
The ring
IMG_7056
The proposal

 

This is when I really identified with how talking about love is like dancing to architecture.  It just cannot coherently be done.  To put words to such strong feelings is nearly impossible. This is why it is so important to SHOW your tribe…partner, children, family, friends..whoever… SHOW them how you feel.  Because there is no way to speak the way you feel you must display it in your actions.  Heath is working in Ohio right now so I don’t get to see him.  All we can do is talk which is wonderful but after having this “conversation” (I use quotes because I don’t think the blundering we did could really be defined as a conversation) what we need to do is physically show each other how we feel.  This can come in the form of undivided attention, physical touch, acts of kindness, compassion, empathy, kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness.

This goes back to intentional living.  Be intentional with everything you do because you never know when your time is up.  Make your impact…leave your mark…connect…SHARE YOUR STORY.

I would love to hear from you.  Hearing from you encourages me to keep sharing my own story.  I would love to engage with you more!

You can also find me on the following links

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Intentionally Lola

 

Rescuer, healer, and dopamine dealer

Since experiencing my breakthrough 3 years ago I have been very intentional about exploring my purpose.  I have really focused on self discovery through meditation, really feeling and identifying my emotions, extreme vulnerability, and self-awareness.  I feel like everyday I stumble across another piece of myself and my purpose.  Yesterday was a big one.

Not too long ago I had been seeking guidance on the most effective way to really listen and identify my intuition.  I had a spiritualist that was helping me through this process.  She had helped me identify how my soul, my spirit guide, and my intuition work together.  I am so thankful I recorded the session.  Yesterday I listened to the recording and had yet another breakthrough moment.

My spiritualist, Nikki, had presented me with a problem of hers.  She told me her story and asked me to help her with it.  After hearing my response she walked me through how I am able to heal and rescue others.  I am a truth teller.  This has been such an ah ha moment for me because my whole life if I did not communicate my feelings about something it would drive me insane…I would literally feel physical symptoms.  As a truth teller when I hear that little voice in my head it is my responsibility to share it. As a healer and rescuer I hear your story and take it in as my own…Identify that story with one of my own and share it back with you with how I dealt with it.

Nikki was genius in using this method as the problem she shared with me had been something she had solved 30 years ago….however it was solved in the exact way I had communicated it to her.

So, here is my reason for sharing this with you.  My breakthrough moment came when I realized that the reason I have lived through all of these tragedies is so that I can help rescue and heal others.  The funny part about all of this is that I do not hold onto any pain in regards to my own life.  All the pain that I have experienced I addressed at the moment and basically filed it away in a little mental Rolodex to reference when someone else is experiencing that same type of pain.  In the podcast I did with Meg Kissak of Thathumminbirdlife.com  (listen to it here…It’s SOOOOO good?) I had talked about how it was so great having a terrible memory because I am able to forget about all the bad things that happen to me but I carry around the lesson they taught me.  My ah ha moment came when I realized it’s not because I have a bad memory……It’s just that I file it away for future use.

What does this all mean?  It means that my pain serves the purpose of healing.  It means that every single person, every single event, every single tragedy has a purpose.  A beautiful purpose…the purpose of healing.

Every person you meet…every person you are so thankful for….every person you say you wished you had never met…and every person in between serves a purpose.  Every experience that you’re so thankful for…every experience that you “regret”…and every experience in between…EACH ONE SERVES A PURPOSE.

When I identify all of these moments…people…things…as tools to heal and rescue those around me it gives me a whole new perspective on pain.

I know my mission is great because I can feel the fire burning in my soul…it’s not a small flame it’s a frickin’ inferno.

If you woke up this morning (which if you’re reading this I assume that you did…If not that’s CREEPY) that means your mission is great and it is not complete.  If you take a little time and listen to that voice in your head you will likely find your mission.  You probably already know what it is but may be stifled by fear and limiting beliefs.

I would love your feedback.  I would love for you to share this.  You never know who these words were meant for!  I would love to hear your stories as well.  Your stories are ones I am also able to reflect on and use to heal others.  Help me build my mental Rolodex!!

You can also find me on the following links

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Intentionally Lola

 

What is your purpose?

The most significant breakthrough moment of my life was just over 3 years ago.  When I think about that moment I can’t even believe the amount of growth, change, and gratitude I have experienced …it is truly immeasurable.  It was right about this time of year that it happened so I think I tend to be triggered by the change in season…so symbolic really.  As mother earth was entering into her season of change so was I. I feel the need to go deep here so I am going to be very vulnerable and give very intimate details in hopes of connecting with some of you on a much deeper level.

My breakthrough moment came about a month before my 39th birthday.  This was a significant birthday for me because it was the age my Mother was when she was killed in a tragic car accident.  I can remember clear as day sitting on the front porch of my old house on a cool crisp October day when it dawned on me that this was all the life my Mother ever lived.  In all reality I have lived way more life than my Mother ever did.  She unfortunately never lived a life of independence.  She was an extremely beautiful woman who carried around demons that never let her see her own value and worth.  As a result she depended on men to take care of her and her children.  Although my Mother loved me greatly I don’t think she loved herself very much. My mother was known for her beauty. She would’ve been considered irresistible by men and women alike. So when I say I lived much more life than my Mother did it’s because I was able to live independently without the permission of a man…

I’ve seen and experienced things that my Mother only dreamt of.

2 years prior to this breakthrough my husband of 13 years had an affair. That was when I learned the physical pain that is associated with a broken heart. It was the ultimate betrayal. At the time I took a lot of responsibility for the affair…I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed. I decided to try to work things out but things changed that cool crisp October day on my front porch. I changed…my life flashed before my eyes. It was as if I was facing my own mortality. It was at that exact moment that I knew I would not live one more day in the life that I had created for myself. I made the decision to live everyday thereafter intentionally and make sure that everything I did, said, and owned, had purpose and meaning.

Within 1 year from that day I divorced, sold EVERYTHING I owned that didn’t serve an exact purpose in my life, moved from 2800 square feet in Oswego to an 800 square foot apartment in Geneva, and began a life with Heath who was my very first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. My life completely changed and so did I.

My perspective on everything changed and my relationship with the universe blossomed. I started to see that EVERYTHING served a purpose. Even the tragic death of my Mother. If it weren’t for her death I would not be the person I am today. It took taking her life to give me mine. Now, because of that horrible tragedy I serve the people in and around my life in a way I never could have before. I cannot only see the purpose and meaning in the most tragic of situations I have a very deep rooted connection to the power of the universe.

My intention behind sharing these intimate details of my life is to help you gain perspective on your own. All of that pain, heartbreak, illness, anger, hurt…it is all serving a purpose. If you wake up in the morning it means that your purpose and mission in life has not been fulfilled yet. My Mother was killed 2 days before my wedding and 6 months before the birth of my daughter…her purpose and mission was fulfilled…It was her time.

You are here in this exact moment..at this exact place for a very specific reason. You may never know what that reason is. The reason may have nothing to do with you but rather with someone else. Maybe even someone you don’t know.

Choose to let go of the resistance and just let go and let god (whoever or whatever your god is) Serve your purpose… the vessel in which you hold this purpose will become weaker and weaker…there is an expiration date. Now is the time.

I am grateful for every one of you. I do truly believe these words help to heal the wounded. Please share this. Once we have learned something new…gained a new perspective, it becomes our responsibility to share it with those around so they can too elevate their life and serve their purpose.

Facebook

Instagram

YouTube

Intentionally Lola

Sometimes you are the teacher

In a recent conversation with my oh so fabulous lash master, Amanda…check her out here we were talking about our energy levels.  Not necessarily how alert we are but more how connected we are to the power of the universe.  We discussed how one day you literally feel like you can conquer the world and the next day you feel like you cannot even conquer a shower.  Why is that?   Nothing happened to initiate that…so what changed?   One other thing we discussed is how sometimes following the paved path of others can make us feel lost.  Here is an example.  I recently finished the book “The Secret”.  The philosophies in that book are some that I have been following for years.  I am sure a lot of those philosophies were learned from hearing little tidbits about the book from others or maybe reading the synopsis.  I have always been really great at manifesting.  It’s always come very natural to me but now after reading this book I suddenly feel like I don’t know how.  I feel lost.  What was once a very natural thing for me I now suddenly feel like I have no idea what I am doing and I suddenly find myself scrambling.   Amanda and I discussed how we have a tendency to think those that put their words out there for others to hear know better than we do.  That is not always true.  There are often times that we have something mastered however we assume because there is a book, podcast, blog, etc out there that their way must be better.

This is a form of self doubt.  Even though I am doing things really well and getting really good results I assume the person that wrote this book, recorded this podcast, or published this blog must know more than I do so their way must be better.   The question is how do we know when to listen to others or when to listen to ourselves?

When I dissect this and really think about why this happens I think it may be a form of self sabotage.  When things are going really well we know that eventually there will be a snag so we have a tendency to beat that snag to the chase.  We listen to the little devil that sits on our shoulder…we allow him to convince us that we are not good enough…we do not deserve this.  So how do we block out that voice?

If I’m being honest I don’t know that there is a way to block out the voice however I do think you can create an equally loud or even louder voice SCREAMING that WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.  We do deserve everything we work so hard for.  Whenever you hear that little devil make sure that little angel on the other shoulder always has the last word.

I will leave you with this.  I had a follow up conversation with another friend of mine that made such a great point.  All of these books that we are reading on being great leaders, parents, or simply just great human beings…not everything they say is aimed towards us.  An example she gave was in a recent book she was reading the message was how you have to start getting up earlier.  Well for myself and my friend..we get up at 5a and we tell ourselves that we don’t want to get up at 4a and then we convince ourselves that we must be failures because we are not willing to do that…well this piece of advise was likely geared at the person who is waking up at 9 not the one that is waking up at 5.  Give yourself a little credit!

I would genuinely love to hear from you.  Please share your stories and thoughts.  It’s through the stories of others that I am able to give different perspectives.

Positive messages of intentional living and intentional thinking can spark shifts in the perspective of people.   I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives, and experiences. I have a lot to learn from you and your perspectives it also gives me the drive and inspiration to keep going!  Please share them with me.

You can also find me on…

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

youtube

Couragemakers Podcast

 

The 5 steps to living the perfect life

Before I begin talking about the steps to the perfect life it is important that you know that your idea of a perfect life and my idea of a perfect life probably look VERY VERY different.  The funny part is that they will FEEL exactly the same.  When you choose to live your perfect life (notice the intentional use of words…It truly is a choice) you will feel fulfilled and complete.  The feeling of a perfect life is universal the picture of the perfect life however is a customized depiction that will only fit one single person.

    1. Find your joy
    Although many would argue that this is easier said than done I will respectfully disagree.  We know what brings us joy but if it is not in line with societal norms we tend not to embrace it.  We feel wrong for wanting it because it doesn’t fit in the perfect little box that society likes us to live in.  Well folks, I am here to tell you that’s all bullshit.  If it brings you joy…It is not wrong.  Unless of course what brings you joy is bringing deliberate harm to living things…In that case…you are wrong and you need to get some help to get right!  Seek out professional help!  Anything else though…If it brings you joy…It is right!!!  Now, if may not serve some people in your life the way they wish it would…those people may tell you that they FEEL hurt as a result of it but know that is their perspective not your actual doing.
    2. Show Gratitude
    Although some people are really good at making life look really easy I know for certain if you were to sit them down and talk to them they would certainly tell you otherwise.  Life in general is not easy.  No matter what that life looks like I guarantee you that there has been pain, suffering, and loss.  Whether you are living a fulfilled life or an unfulfilled life neither is easy however a fulfilled life is worth the hard work. So in order to keep moving past the pain we have to be grateful for the things we have.  Things as simple as that precious cup of coffee in the morning to as huge as a heart transplant and everything in between.  Speak your gratitude every single day.
    3. Believe
    I heard a quote one time and it was awesome.  “If you can believe in Santa Claus for 10 or so years of your life you believe in yourself for 5 minutes or so”. All it takes is a belief that you can have everything you want out of life.  If you don’t believe it doesn’t exist…the exact opposite is also true….If you believe it…It’s possible.  Sometimes it’s easy to believe.  Sometimes it takes a lot of repeating it to yourself over and over again.  Just keep thinking it and saying it and eventually you will believe it.  Eliminate all self-doubt and negative self talk.
    4. Play
      We often feel guilty for taking time for ourselves.  We feel that taking time away from directly working on our goal is wasteful.  This could not be further from the truth.  Allowing ourselves space, creativity, exploration, laughter, relaxation, and play will actually catapult you closer to your goal.  When you allow yourself play time you give your brain and opportunity to explore possibilities that you hadn’t seen before.  Read my guest blog on That Hummingbird Life for more info on this.

https://www.thathummingbirdlife.com/blog/guest-post-playtime

    5. Speak your truth
    When you hold in anything…whether it be joy or resentment it leaves less room in our minds and souls for more.  We literally block out emotions and love we could be experiencing simply because we are harboring emotions.  Let this shit go…either tell someone or write it down.  It has to be released in order to experience the new thing.  Here is the thing though….you have to let go what you know to be true.  An example would be you are harboring resentment because your partner didn’t call you back when they said they would.  You begin to make up stories about maybe they don’t prioritize you or that they were doing something shady in some way.  The truth may simply be they got stuck at work or their phone died.  YOUR truth is simply how you feel as a result of not being called back.  Hurt maybe….sad…You must speak out how you FEEL not blame for what you THINK happened.
    There is a recipe here.  A recipe for a perfect life.  Just like any recipe the outcomes can be very different depending on what you are using.  Think about all the chocolate chip cookies in the world…..they all use the same basic ingredients however they all taste very different.  This is the same concept for the recipes of our own perfect lives.  We all joy, gratitude, belief, play, and truth in out recipes however the final product will be different for everyone. What does your perfect life look like?  Please share it with me…I want to hear about it.
    You can find more about Intentionally Lola at the following links.

YouTubeFacebookTwitterInstagramAlso listen to me and Meg Kissak of ThatHummingbirdLife.com on her podcast Couragemakers talk about how having a “Fuck it” mentality can serve you best.  Click the link to listenhttps://www.thathummingbirdlife.com/podcast-episode/gina-greenwood

 

Aim for the bullseye

Because I have the opportunity to talk to hundreds of people on a regular basis I also have the opportunity of hearing their stories.  I hear the stories of their pain and their joy.  I get to hear about heartbreak and contentment.  I also get to hear about their dreams and what keeps them from chasing them.

How often do you think about what you really want and say to yourself “I can’t do that because of how it will affect __________”?  I talk to people all the time that know exactly what they want but will say that don’t know what it is.  The truth is they know exactly what they want…they know exactly how to get it…but the not knowing how it will affect their circle keeps them from going for it.

Putting ourselves and our desires first has always been a struggle.  It will continue to always be a struggle.  But it has to be become a struggle that we wrestle and conquer.   When you really think about it there will always be someone that does not support or believe in our dreams and aspirations.  We cannot make 100% of the people in lives happy 100% of the time.  Even if you do what you think will make others happy you yourself will not be happy so you are still not at a 100% success rate  .

If you follow your heart and your desires you will earn the trust, respect, and support from the person that you spend the most amount of time with…yourself.  If you are not putting yourself first you are not doing yourself or anyone in your tribe any good.  You are not only surrounding yourself with mediocrity you are spreading the mediocrity around as well.

I want you to spend sometime thinking about what you want your life to look like.  Completely remove thoughts of how the other people in your life would be affected.  Simply focus on your thoughts and feelings.  You will find that you know exactly what you want….the beginning of the path on how to get there will show itself.  Although it is scary you must begin following that path.  As long as your dream is truly what you want you will be so full of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment that it will spill over to your tribe.  You will be better for those people around you.

Aim for that exact thing that you want…the bullseye!  You may not hit the mark every time but you will be headed in the right direction and the closer you get the more likely you will be to hitting it.

Please help me help others find their mission by sharing this on the social media platform you love most.

You can find more Intentionally Lola content on

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

youtube