What Wil Wheaton and I have in common

Wil Wheaton’s Blog on Chronic Depression

I stumbled up on this and loved Wil’s (ya know, we are on a first name basis) vulnerability.

Although Wil has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety I think there are so many things that those of us who have not can still relate to.

What this really says to me is that we all have our struggles…no matter how glamorous  someones life looks on the outside we are all fighting some kind of battle on the inside.  We must treat each other with kindness, love, support, empathy, and compassion.

Definitely worth the read.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

I really need your support.  If you could please like this, share it, comment, and/or follow me…any sort of acknowledgment you give helps me on this path.  It creates awareness and gives Intentionally Lola the exposure it needs!  Your support would mean the world to me.

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,  and  Youtube

Why everything in the world has purpose and meaning

You know how there are just certain random moments in your life that just stick with you .  You read something, watch something, or someone says something to you and it sticks with you for the rest of your life.  For me one of those things comes from my ex-husband.  “Not everything has to be a lesson, Gina”…it rings in my brain so often.

I can honestly say this is one of the biggest reasons that we are no longer married.  Not because he said it to me but because it’s what he believed.  I, however, believe the exact opposite.  I believe that EVERYTHING that happens in life is a lesson.

I believe that every second of every day is called back to you at some point in your life as a reference.  I know that recognizing everything as a lesson comes from having a growth mindset.  That is what eventually pulled myself and my ex in very very different directions.

I have discovered…thanks to all my lessons in life…how valuable this life is.  You have 1 chance at life and I intend on riding it until the wheels fall off.  In order for me to do that…to truly experience life to its fullest I have recognized that every single moment…every second has purpose and meaning.  Even the worst most tragic things you can think of have purpose and meaning.

My Mother’s untimely death….opened my eyes to intentional living….my nephew’s recent fatal car accident taught me that death gives others life thanks to organ donation.  The royal wedding has taught me that you never know where love can take you (thank you Randee Donovan for that amazing perspective).  A friend who lost a child to leukemia yet lives a full life taught me that joy and happiness are a choice (again, thank you Randee Donovan…a very wise woman).

The other view is how someone somewhere in the world always benefits from tragedy in one way or another.  This makes tragic situations (eventually) easier to accept in a way.  Some people feed their families and fulfill their dreams from tragic situations….funeral home owners, police, firemen, doctors, nurse’s, emt’s, grave diggers, suicide councilors, drug and alcohol councilors, biohazard removal, and trauma cleaners.   The list goes on and on…This proves though that everything…E..V..E..R..Y..T..H..I..N..G…has purpose and meaning.  Therefore there is something to be learned from it.

Remember….when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.  Learn something from EVERYTHING.  Change your perspective so you can walk away from any situation more enlightened.  That is what intentional living is all about!!!

I really need your support.  If you could please like this, share it, comment, and/or follow me…any sort of acknowledgment you give helps me on this path.  It creates awareness and gives Intentionally Lola the exposure it needs!  Your support would mean the world to me.

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,  and  Youtube

Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will fucking kill me

The more and more I think about the “sticks and stones” adage the more and more it outrages me.  I know outraged probably sounds like a strong word but I assure you it fits.

I think about the way that we talk to ourselves a lot.  Truth be told if I think about the amount of people who have actually said the words “you’re not good enough” to me compared to the number of people I just assume think it…it’s like 1 to 1,000,000,000.

I do find it funny though how it only takes hearing you’re not good enough just once for you to believe it.  You can hear how wonderful you are millions of times a day and hear how terrible you are just once in your lifetime but the 1 time is all it takes!

So how can we get past this negativity when it is ourselves that are our own worst enemies?

I think first and foremost it is realizing that the saying “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” is the biggest load of bullshit to date.  There is nothing more destructive than words whether they are our own words or someone else’s.  Throw your sticks and stones and I will have temporary wounds that will heal.  They can heal so well that you would have no idea there was ever an injury to begin with.  Words however…that is an injury that never heals.  The pain may dull over time but that scar will forever remain.

This is something that I work on ever single day of my life.  I have to remember that words…my words to myself will make me or break me.

Here is the thing though…sometimes you have to share things that you see.  If you see that “opportunity for growth” in someone it’s your choice of words that will steer them in the right direction.

We all have that one thing (at least one thing) that if you had the opportunity to go back and do over you would.  My one thing would be my relationship with my ex-husbands son.  He is a smart, caring, passionate young man who needed guidance.  Like every other adolescent does.  I know at the time I thought I was doing things right.  I thought the tough love I was providing him would motivate him into action.  When I daydream about my past and how I treated him I cringe.  I learned A LOT from my relationship with Jordan…the most of which is who I do not want to be.  I guess this goes back to my belief that everything happens for a reason.  I just wish it didn’t have to happen at the expense of a young man’s spirit.

I can make a lot of excuses for my strained relationship with Jordan.  At the end of the day though I have to take responsibility.  I hope that one day I will have the opportunity to have a healthy loving relationship with him.  To show him that we have so much to learn from one another.

I hear through the grapevine that Jordan is doing very well for himself.  I will actually take some credit for his work ethic.  If there is anything that I can pat myself on the back for is teaching Jordan, Abigail, Jacob, and my own biological child, Tori the value of hard work.

If I would have chosen better words…more constructive words I have to wonder how much further along would both of us be?

I share this story in hopes that maybe just one person who may be experiencing the same frustrations that raising teenagers can spawn…or maybe someone who is a mentor to a younger generation of people who just don’t have the life experience that you do….will recognize the power of words….in hopes that they will choose their words better than I did.

This is something that I am still trying to master…and after I master it I will still have to practice it every single day.  Although I will never have the opportunity to redo what has already been done I can choose differently in the future.

Choose your words wisely because they can absolutely kill someones spirit…either someone else’s or your very own!

 

I really need your support.  If you could please like this, share it, comment, and/or follow me…any sort of acknowledgment you give helps me on this path.  It creates awareness and gives Intentionally Lola the exposure it needs!  Your support would mean the world to me.

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,  and  Youtube

What we can learn from liquid

Weekly Photo Challenge: Liquid

Have you ever just watched the way that liquid can find its way through any obstacle?  You watch a stream of liquid flow and it comes to a point of blockage and it starts changing paths.  It never stops moving it just changes course.

I was thinking about how much we as people can learn from that.  The “goal” if you will of liquid is to keep moving.  What if we kept moving forward and when we hit a blockage just simply changed our path?  The goal is still the same and yes it may take us longer to get there.  But along this new path we may find little holes that we can get through.  Little openings that we had never considered before.  Small passages that put us back on our path.

If liquid is flowing you suddenly close the door in front of it…it doesn’t stop….it spreads out…it seeks a new pathway.  It keeps moving.

On my mission of living an intentional life and trying to change the way the beauty industry is viewed I am faced with obstacles every single day.  I try to mimic the flow of liquid.  Not to stop but simply change directions to find a different way.

I want you to consider this when you too are faced with obstacles EVERY SINGLE DAY.   There is always an alternative path…it’s just not always linear.  There are twists, turns, mountains, and valleys.  The beauty in it though is how much you see and learn when forced in a new direction.  You come across things that you never knew existed.  It’s a beautiful “accident” which really in my opinion there are no accidents.  It’s all happening for a reason…every roadblock, every naysayer, every crossroad….its all happening for a reason.  Have enough loyalty to your cause to trust the zigzagged path.

I really need your support.  If you could please like this, share it, comment, and/or follow me…any sort of acknowledgment you give helps me on this path.  It creates awareness and gives Intentionally Lola the exposure it needs!  Your support would mean the world to me.

You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,  and  Youtube

Checking in with yourself

Reconnecting with intentional living

I was feeling so good that I had to check in with myself to identify why that was so I could recreate it.  I figured it out so now I can set myself up for success daily….and so can you!!  Watch the video and please share your thoughts.  I would love your support.  Support looks like sharing this video, liking it on facebook, or commenting on it.  Those actions create exposure for Intentionally Lola but it also makes me feel very comfortable with being vulnerable for you!

When you found something you never lost

In response to the wordpress photo challenge

 

I was inspired by the wordpress photo challenge which asked “Where do you belong? In the hustle and bustle of a big city or amongst friendly faces in a small town? For this week’s challenge, show us your place in the world”. Well on Sunday May 13th at 11:44a this is exactly where I belonged.

It has been 18 years since I visited the gravesite of my mother because I found it to be to excruciating to handle.  I didn’t like the pain I felt.  This does not mean that I haven’t thought about her every single day or that I didn’t feel the pain from staying away.  I thought that I was being very intentional about avoiding a place that caused me pain.  I have found the exact opposite to be true.

I have truly come to realize that pain is part of life.  A beautiful part of life at that.  To feel pain is to know that you are alive and that you are connected.

So often we try to “numb out” pain.  We turn to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, games, social media, shopping…anything that distracts you from a tinge of pain that you are feeling at that moment….it’s a numbing agent.

I chose for the first time in 18 years to lean into the discomfort of sorrow, loss, and heartbreak.  It was truly beautiful.  I had no idea what I expected to feel when I arrived there.  First I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to find her since it’s been so long…that caused an immense amount go guilt….which I leaned into.  I am thankful that I was able to find her with no problem that caused a feeling of relief ….which I leaned into.  I discussed with her my joys, sorrows, things I was proud of, things I was ashamed of….all the things that you can tell a person who you know would love you despite all of your flaws.

Sitting in the grass in front of that grave is exactly where belonged….so thank you wordpress for making me think about how beautiful that moment was.

Thank you for reading….it means the world to me.  I would love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment!  You can also find me on FacebookInstagramTwitter. Also on snapchat as intentionallola.

What if???

via Daily Prompt: Pedigree

In an era that social media is how we keep up with people we sometimes forget that all we are seeing is what people want us to see.  It is so easy to look at someone’s life through the lens of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc and think that everything is blissful.  The thing is though if you were there for that thoughtfully posed photo or that well designed smile you may find that everything that is happening before or after the click of that camera is something far from happy.

There is also the possibility that it is the exact opposite too.  Those that haven’t mastered the art of gratitude yet…the ones that can only seem to see the bad.  They are showing you all that is going wrong in their life and not realizing all the beauty that is around them.

This made me think about how relative this is to real life.  There are the people who are in your life that know every facet of your personality and then there are those that only know what is on the surface.  We can be very quick to judge a person by what we see and experience in those short social interactions.  We can also assume that we cannot possibly connect with a person because of impressions they have made on us.  At the end of the day we all have 1 thing in common…we all want a true sense of love and belonging….we want to be loved for who we are…that no matter our politics, race, creed, religion, beliefs, or demons we carry that we will still be worthy of love and belonging.

It made me think about how a mutt with proper grooming, training, and upbringing could pass for a pedigree until you know what is on the inside….also any pedigree could pass for a mutt without the proper grooming, training, and upbringing.  How differently would you feel about them once you knew the “truth” of their lineage.  Would you have less respect for that dog once you find out that it is not pure?  Would you have more respect for that “mutt” when you find out it’s actually a pedigree?

Your view of a person can change greatly when you really know them.  When you learn what lies beneath the surface….When you hear their stories.  When they share what makes them happy, what makes them sad, what keeps them up at night.   We have to remember that when we are around people that we are not in a vulnerable relationship with….there is so much more to them than what is on the surface.

Be kind, be gentle, be forgiving, be patient, be non-judgemental, be exactly what you would want someone to be to you.

Spread love like wildflowers.

Please share your comments.  I would love to hear from you.

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What you learn as a flawed human being

via Daily Prompt: Slight

If you would have asked me yesterday how the future of my personal life looked I would have dropped to my knees, cried like a child, and shared with you the physical pain that my heart was experiencing.

Mother’s day did not go as I had hoped or planned this year.  As much as I do try to live a life of intention someone else’s intention (or lack there of) can really throw things through the wringer.

This year things got very dark and scary in the intentionally lola household.  Nasty arguments and confrontations took a turn for the worse.  Feelings were hurt and hearts were very badly bruised.

I pride myself on my stellar communication skills but yesterday all that pride went out the window.  I hurt someone very close to me in retaliation to them hurting me.  Things got ugly and I lost my shit.

The crazy thing is though that it only took one slight step back to see the pain I caused.  At that moment I had an opportunity…an opportunity to recognize that I still have a lot of work to do on being the best possible version of myself.  It served as a huge reminder that not only had I not arrived at my final destination of intentional living but that I have a whole lot more traveling to do!  Although it would have been nice if that lesson would have been served a little more dignified it was served nonetheless.

Yesterday I had chosen to confront someone on a major flaw that was affecting not only them but me as well.  When things did not go as I had dreamt that they would in my head I lost control.  A short-lived shit-storm ensued and I was reminded of a very valuable lesson… that at the end of the day we are all only human.  Flawed human beings…each and every one of us.

The thing to take away from this is that even the most flawed human being still deserves that feeling of love and belonging.  If they hurt you, confront them of course..let them know that the actions they took affected you emotionally but remember you cannot control how they will react.  You can only control how you yourself will react….in my case, it’s back to the drawing board I go.

I take ownership of the fact that I made a huge mistake.  But it was through my own flaw that I realized that the other persons flaw is just something that makes them human.  It allowed me to be far more understanding of the situation.  It allowed me to approach them through a lens of understanding and support rather than critism and judgement.

Perspective is everything!

Let us be more accepting of the flawed people around us.  Let us respectfully share with them the pain they caused us.  Let us gently show them a different direction to take in the future.  Let us hold the hands of the lost and guide them to more sturdy ground. Let us recognize our own faults therefore relate to one another better.  Let us allow every mistake to serve as a reminder to get back on the path of intention.  And most of all let us love and be gentle to even the most flawed people in our lives.  They are generally the ones that need it the most.

If you enjoyed reading this please like it, share it, tag someone…show some love!

 

 

 

The value of pain

After reading a blog that I follow (click here to check her out) I was reminded of all the pain I have experienced over the course of my lifetime.  It wasn’t until about 3 years ago though that I truly understood the value of pain.  Pain is essential.  As weird as it sounds pain is one of life’s greatest gifts.  It is a sign of growth, change, and personal evolution.

All the pain that I have experienced in life…fear, betrayal, mourning, solitude, poverty, depression, agony, defeat…have brought me to a pinnacle of foresight and intent.  If it weren’t for the untimely sudden death of my mother, the feelings of desperation in impoverished times, the ultimate betrayal of my partner, and the surprise resignation of several employees I would not be able to experience the joy I have today.

I experienced all these painful moments in a relatively sober mindset.  I say relatively because I may have had a few drunken evenings that I quickly got a handle on.  This is important because I have also learned that if you numb-out those moments of pain you miss that opportunity for growth.  You have to FEEL the pain…you have to truly EXPERIENCE the pain to grow from it.  It is going to hurt like a mother fucker but the joy and solace that you feel as a result of it is worth every painstaking moment.

Allow yourself to feel the pain.  Do not waste those painful moments…they are happening for a reason.  Embrace that pain…cry, scream, yell, do whatever you have to do to release it but DO NOT TRY TO BAND-AID IT!  You are coming to become an even more beautiful amazing version of yourself as a result of it.