Talking about love is like dancing to architecture

If you have never seen the movie Playing by Heart do yourself a favor and watch it….thank me later.  The movie is about different relationships in different phases…5 different couples experiencing different life trials, tribulations, and triumphs.  I love this movie.  There are so many different things to be learned in regards to matters of the heart.

One of my favorite lines from the movie Angelina Jolie’s character said “Talking about love is like dancing to architecture”.  No truer words have ever been written or spoken.  This is a line that has always resonated with me but never more than it did this week.

In a conversation with Heath, my fiancé, the subject of setting a date came up.  There was a sense of urgency.  Up until this point we had said that it would be a while before we even thought about getting married.  There would be no ceremony we would just wake up one day and say ok…today is the day.  Well, something changed.   On October 22 a young man named Shane Bodven passed away suddenly.  He was 39 years old, had 5 children between himself and his fiancé, and was supposed to marry the love of his life, Erica Beiser, on November 4th.  He passed about 13 days before his wedding.  He was mowing his lawn, came in to use the restroom and when Erica realized he had been inside for a while she went to check on him.  She found him unconscious…called 911 and performed CPR.  When the paramedics arrived they worked for 40 minutes to resuscitate him but unfortunately it was too late.

This was a man who Heath worked with.  Through conversations at work they found they had VERY similar stories. They had both been married and divorced and had both reconnected with women from their youth.  Heath was my very first boyfriend…like my first real relationship when I was 15 years old.  From what I understand it was a somewhat similar story for Shane and Erica.

As you know when something tragic like this happens it changes your perspective on EVERYTHING.  Especially when that person’s story is so similar to yours.  Heath had just had a text conversation with him the night or 2 before which adds to the ton of brick you feel falling on your head.

When something like this happens you start to visualize this tragedy through your own lens.  Heath is now imagining himself passing away and leaving me with nothing that he is working so hard to create for us.  He also starts to think about him never being able to introduce me as his wife or see me sign my name as Gina Petty…(that is the first time I have ever seen that written out and it gave me goosebumps).  His perspective has completely changed. It is a breakthrough moment.

Heath’s strong suit had never been practicing vulnerability although he gets better and better at it everyday and I am so proud of him for it.  I didn’t realize how badly this tragedy had fucked him up.  This pain has been sitting inside of him for a few weeks now and I didn’t realize it.  He is feeling this sense of mortality.  Now there is this sense of urgency in his life’s plan.  Before knowing how heartbroken he was over this he had mentioned to me that he thinks it’s time for us to start thinking about getting married.  I had responded in a “what’s the rush” kind of way.  This spiraled into an incomprehensible conversation about our feelings for one another.

A couple of years ago Heath and I had actually made up a word in hopes of helping it communicate our feelings for one another.  We had said there is no word in any language that explains the love we have for one another.  Until “said word” was created we would just have to create one ourselves…Sedward.  Get it until said word exists…sedward.  This word is inscribed on the back of my engagement ring.  We would use this word to describe our love for one another.  We quickly found out that it still didn’t communicate what we were feeling…It ended up then being we love each other more than sedward.  The point is that we can make up word after word after word but it will never encompass the intense love you have for your partner.

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The ring
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The proposal

 

This is when I really identified with how talking about love is like dancing to architecture.  It just cannot coherently be done.  To put words to such strong feelings is nearly impossible. This is why it is so important to SHOW your tribe…partner, children, family, friends..whoever… SHOW them how you feel.  Because there is no way to speak the way you feel you must display it in your actions.  Heath is working in Ohio right now so I don’t get to see him.  All we can do is talk which is wonderful but after having this “conversation” (I use quotes because I don’t think the blundering we did could really be defined as a conversation) what we need to do is physically show each other how we feel.  This can come in the form of undivided attention, physical touch, acts of kindness, compassion, empathy, kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness.

This goes back to intentional living.  Be intentional with everything you do because you never know when your time is up.  Make your impact…leave your mark…connect…SHARE YOUR STORY.

I would love to hear from you.  Hearing from you encourages me to keep sharing my own story.  I would love to engage with you more!

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Rescuer, healer, and dopamine dealer

Since experiencing my breakthrough 3 years ago I have been very intentional about exploring my purpose.  I have really focused on self discovery through meditation, really feeling and identifying my emotions, extreme vulnerability, and self-awareness.  I feel like everyday I stumble across another piece of myself and my purpose.  Yesterday was a big one.

Not too long ago I had been seeking guidance on the most effective way to really listen and identify my intuition.  I had a spiritualist that was helping me through this process.  She had helped me identify how my soul, my spirit guide, and my intuition work together.  I am so thankful I recorded the session.  Yesterday I listened to the recording and had yet another breakthrough moment.

My spiritualist, Nikki, had presented me with a problem of hers.  She told me her story and asked me to help her with it.  After hearing my response she walked me through how I am able to heal and rescue others.  I am a truth teller.  This has been such an ah ha moment for me because my whole life if I did not communicate my feelings about something it would drive me insane…I would literally feel physical symptoms.  As a truth teller when I hear that little voice in my head it is my responsibility to share it. As a healer and rescuer I hear your story and take it in as my own…Identify that story with one of my own and share it back with you with how I dealt with it.

Nikki was genius in using this method as the problem she shared with me had been something she had solved 30 years ago….however it was solved in the exact way I had communicated it to her.

So, here is my reason for sharing this with you.  My breakthrough moment came when I realized that the reason I have lived through all of these tragedies is so that I can help rescue and heal others.  The funny part about all of this is that I do not hold onto any pain in regards to my own life.  All the pain that I have experienced I addressed at the moment and basically filed it away in a little mental Rolodex to reference when someone else is experiencing that same type of pain.  In the podcast I did with Meg Kissak of Thathumminbirdlife.com  (listen to it here…It’s SOOOOO good?) I had talked about how it was so great having a terrible memory because I am able to forget about all the bad things that happen to me but I carry around the lesson they taught me.  My ah ha moment came when I realized it’s not because I have a bad memory……It’s just that I file it away for future use.

What does this all mean?  It means that my pain serves the purpose of healing.  It means that every single person, every single event, every single tragedy has a purpose.  A beautiful purpose…the purpose of healing.

Every person you meet…every person you are so thankful for….every person you say you wished you had never met…and every person in between serves a purpose.  Every experience that you’re so thankful for…every experience that you “regret”…and every experience in between…EACH ONE SERVES A PURPOSE.

When I identify all of these moments…people…things…as tools to heal and rescue those around me it gives me a whole new perspective on pain.

I know my mission is great because I can feel the fire burning in my soul…it’s not a small flame it’s a frickin’ inferno.

If you woke up this morning (which if you’re reading this I assume that you did…If not that’s CREEPY) that means your mission is great and it is not complete.  If you take a little time and listen to that voice in your head you will likely find your mission.  You probably already know what it is but may be stifled by fear and limiting beliefs.

I would love your feedback.  I would love for you to share this.  You never know who these words were meant for!  I would love to hear your stories as well.  Your stories are ones I am also able to reflect on and use to heal others.  Help me build my mental Rolodex!!

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What is your purpose?

The most significant breakthrough moment of my life was just over 3 years ago.  When I think about that moment I can’t even believe the amount of growth, change, and gratitude I have experienced …it is truly immeasurable.  It was right about this time of year that it happened so I think I tend to be triggered by the change in season…so symbolic really.  As mother earth was entering into her season of change so was I. I feel the need to go deep here so I am going to be very vulnerable and give very intimate details in hopes of connecting with some of you on a much deeper level.

My breakthrough moment came about a month before my 39th birthday.  This was a significant birthday for me because it was the age my Mother was when she was killed in a tragic car accident.  I can remember clear as day sitting on the front porch of my old house on a cool crisp October day when it dawned on me that this was all the life my Mother ever lived.  In all reality I have lived way more life than my Mother ever did.  She unfortunately never lived a life of independence.  She was an extremely beautiful woman who carried around demons that never let her see her own value and worth.  As a result she depended on men to take care of her and her children.  Although my Mother loved me greatly I don’t think she loved herself very much. My mother was known for her beauty. She would’ve been considered irresistible by men and women alike. So when I say I lived much more life than my Mother did it’s because I was able to live independently without the permission of a man…

I’ve seen and experienced things that my Mother only dreamt of.

2 years prior to this breakthrough my husband of 13 years had an affair. That was when I learned the physical pain that is associated with a broken heart. It was the ultimate betrayal. At the time I took a lot of responsibility for the affair…I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed. I decided to try to work things out but things changed that cool crisp October day on my front porch. I changed…my life flashed before my eyes. It was as if I was facing my own mortality. It was at that exact moment that I knew I would not live one more day in the life that I had created for myself. I made the decision to live everyday thereafter intentionally and make sure that everything I did, said, and owned, had purpose and meaning.

Within 1 year from that day I divorced, sold EVERYTHING I owned that didn’t serve an exact purpose in my life, moved from 2800 square feet in Oswego to an 800 square foot apartment in Geneva, and began a life with Heath who was my very first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. My life completely changed and so did I.

My perspective on everything changed and my relationship with the universe blossomed. I started to see that EVERYTHING served a purpose. Even the tragic death of my Mother. If it weren’t for her death I would not be the person I am today. It took taking her life to give me mine. Now, because of that horrible tragedy I serve the people in and around my life in a way I never could have before. I cannot only see the purpose and meaning in the most tragic of situations I have a very deep rooted connection to the power of the universe.

My intention behind sharing these intimate details of my life is to help you gain perspective on your own. All of that pain, heartbreak, illness, anger, hurt…it is all serving a purpose. If you wake up in the morning it means that your purpose and mission in life has not been fulfilled yet. My Mother was killed 2 days before my wedding and 6 months before the birth of my daughter…her purpose and mission was fulfilled…It was her time.

You are here in this exact moment..at this exact place for a very specific reason. You may never know what that reason is. The reason may have nothing to do with you but rather with someone else. Maybe even someone you don’t know.

Choose to let go of the resistance and just let go and let god (whoever or whatever your god is) Serve your purpose… the vessel in which you hold this purpose will become weaker and weaker…there is an expiration date. Now is the time.

I am grateful for every one of you. I do truly believe these words help to heal the wounded. Please share this. Once we have learned something new…gained a new perspective, it becomes our responsibility to share it with those around so they can too elevate their life and serve their purpose.

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Sometimes you are the teacher

In a recent conversation with my oh so fabulous lash master, Amanda…check her out here we were talking about our energy levels.  Not necessarily how alert we are but more how connected we are to the power of the universe.  We discussed how one day you literally feel like you can conquer the world and the next day you feel like you cannot even conquer a shower.  Why is that?   Nothing happened to initiate that…so what changed?   One other thing we discussed is how sometimes following the paved path of others can make us feel lost.  Here is an example.  I recently finished the book “The Secret”.  The philosophies in that book are some that I have been following for years.  I am sure a lot of those philosophies were learned from hearing little tidbits about the book from others or maybe reading the synopsis.  I have always been really great at manifesting.  It’s always come very natural to me but now after reading this book I suddenly feel like I don’t know how.  I feel lost.  What was once a very natural thing for me I now suddenly feel like I have no idea what I am doing and I suddenly find myself scrambling.   Amanda and I discussed how we have a tendency to think those that put their words out there for others to hear know better than we do.  That is not always true.  There are often times that we have something mastered however we assume because there is a book, podcast, blog, etc out there that their way must be better.

This is a form of self doubt.  Even though I am doing things really well and getting really good results I assume the person that wrote this book, recorded this podcast, or published this blog must know more than I do so their way must be better.   The question is how do we know when to listen to others or when to listen to ourselves?

When I dissect this and really think about why this happens I think it may be a form of self sabotage.  When things are going really well we know that eventually there will be a snag so we have a tendency to beat that snag to the chase.  We listen to the little devil that sits on our shoulder…we allow him to convince us that we are not good enough…we do not deserve this.  So how do we block out that voice?

If I’m being honest I don’t know that there is a way to block out the voice however I do think you can create an equally loud or even louder voice SCREAMING that WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.  We do deserve everything we work so hard for.  Whenever you hear that little devil make sure that little angel on the other shoulder always has the last word.

I will leave you with this.  I had a follow up conversation with another friend of mine that made such a great point.  All of these books that we are reading on being great leaders, parents, or simply just great human beings…not everything they say is aimed towards us.  An example she gave was in a recent book she was reading the message was how you have to start getting up earlier.  Well for myself and my friend..we get up at 5a and we tell ourselves that we don’t want to get up at 4a and then we convince ourselves that we must be failures because we are not willing to do that…well this piece of advise was likely geared at the person who is waking up at 9 not the one that is waking up at 5.  Give yourself a little credit!

I would genuinely love to hear from you.  Please share your stories and thoughts.  It’s through the stories of others that I am able to give different perspectives.

Positive messages of intentional living and intentional thinking can spark shifts in the perspective of people.   I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives, and experiences. I have a lot to learn from you and your perspectives it also gives me the drive and inspiration to keep going!  Please share them with me.

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Couragemakers Podcast

 

The 5 steps to living the perfect life

Before I begin talking about the steps to the perfect life it is important that you know that your idea of a perfect life and my idea of a perfect life probably look VERY VERY different.  The funny part is that they will FEEL exactly the same.  When you choose to live your perfect life (notice the intentional use of words…It truly is a choice) you will feel fulfilled and complete.  The feeling of a perfect life is universal the picture of the perfect life however is a customized depiction that will only fit one single person.

    1. Find your joy
    Although many would argue that this is easier said than done I will respectfully disagree.  We know what brings us joy but if it is not in line with societal norms we tend not to embrace it.  We feel wrong for wanting it because it doesn’t fit in the perfect little box that society likes us to live in.  Well folks, I am here to tell you that’s all bullshit.  If it brings you joy…It is not wrong.  Unless of course what brings you joy is bringing deliberate harm to living things…In that case…you are wrong and you need to get some help to get right!  Seek out professional help!  Anything else though…If it brings you joy…It is right!!!  Now, if may not serve some people in your life the way they wish it would…those people may tell you that they FEEL hurt as a result of it but know that is their perspective not your actual doing.
    2. Show Gratitude
    Although some people are really good at making life look really easy I know for certain if you were to sit them down and talk to them they would certainly tell you otherwise.  Life in general is not easy.  No matter what that life looks like I guarantee you that there has been pain, suffering, and loss.  Whether you are living a fulfilled life or an unfulfilled life neither is easy however a fulfilled life is worth the hard work. So in order to keep moving past the pain we have to be grateful for the things we have.  Things as simple as that precious cup of coffee in the morning to as huge as a heart transplant and everything in between.  Speak your gratitude every single day.
    3. Believe
    I heard a quote one time and it was awesome.  “If you can believe in Santa Claus for 10 or so years of your life you believe in yourself for 5 minutes or so”. All it takes is a belief that you can have everything you want out of life.  If you don’t believe it doesn’t exist…the exact opposite is also true….If you believe it…It’s possible.  Sometimes it’s easy to believe.  Sometimes it takes a lot of repeating it to yourself over and over again.  Just keep thinking it and saying it and eventually you will believe it.  Eliminate all self-doubt and negative self talk.
    4. Play
      We often feel guilty for taking time for ourselves.  We feel that taking time away from directly working on our goal is wasteful.  This could not be further from the truth.  Allowing ourselves space, creativity, exploration, laughter, relaxation, and play will actually catapult you closer to your goal.  When you allow yourself play time you give your brain and opportunity to explore possibilities that you hadn’t seen before.  Read my guest blog on That Hummingbird Life for more info on this.

https://www.thathummingbirdlife.com/blog/guest-post-playtime

    5. Speak your truth
    When you hold in anything…whether it be joy or resentment it leaves less room in our minds and souls for more.  We literally block out emotions and love we could be experiencing simply because we are harboring emotions.  Let this shit go…either tell someone or write it down.  It has to be released in order to experience the new thing.  Here is the thing though….you have to let go what you know to be true.  An example would be you are harboring resentment because your partner didn’t call you back when they said they would.  You begin to make up stories about maybe they don’t prioritize you or that they were doing something shady in some way.  The truth may simply be they got stuck at work or their phone died.  YOUR truth is simply how you feel as a result of not being called back.  Hurt maybe….sad…You must speak out how you FEEL not blame for what you THINK happened.
    There is a recipe here.  A recipe for a perfect life.  Just like any recipe the outcomes can be very different depending on what you are using.  Think about all the chocolate chip cookies in the world…..they all use the same basic ingredients however they all taste very different.  This is the same concept for the recipes of our own perfect lives.  We all joy, gratitude, belief, play, and truth in out recipes however the final product will be different for everyone. What does your perfect life look like?  Please share it with me…I want to hear about it.
    You can find more about Intentionally Lola at the following links.

YouTubeFacebookTwitterInstagramAlso listen to me and Meg Kissak of ThatHummingbirdLife.com on her podcast Couragemakers talk about how having a “Fuck it” mentality can serve you best.  Click the link to listenhttps://www.thathummingbirdlife.com/podcast-episode/gina-greenwood

 

Aim for the bullseye

Because I have the opportunity to talk to hundreds of people on a regular basis I also have the opportunity of hearing their stories.  I hear the stories of their pain and their joy.  I get to hear about heartbreak and contentment.  I also get to hear about their dreams and what keeps them from chasing them.

How often do you think about what you really want and say to yourself “I can’t do that because of how it will affect __________”?  I talk to people all the time that know exactly what they want but will say that don’t know what it is.  The truth is they know exactly what they want…they know exactly how to get it…but the not knowing how it will affect their circle keeps them from going for it.

Putting ourselves and our desires first has always been a struggle.  It will continue to always be a struggle.  But it has to be become a struggle that we wrestle and conquer.   When you really think about it there will always be someone that does not support or believe in our dreams and aspirations.  We cannot make 100% of the people in lives happy 100% of the time.  Even if you do what you think will make others happy you yourself will not be happy so you are still not at a 100% success rate  .

If you follow your heart and your desires you will earn the trust, respect, and support from the person that you spend the most amount of time with…yourself.  If you are not putting yourself first you are not doing yourself or anyone in your tribe any good.  You are not only surrounding yourself with mediocrity you are spreading the mediocrity around as well.

I want you to spend sometime thinking about what you want your life to look like.  Completely remove thoughts of how the other people in your life would be affected.  Simply focus on your thoughts and feelings.  You will find that you know exactly what you want….the beginning of the path on how to get there will show itself.  Although it is scary you must begin following that path.  As long as your dream is truly what you want you will be so full of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment that it will spill over to your tribe.  You will be better for those people around you.

Aim for that exact thing that you want…the bullseye!  You may not hit the mark every time but you will be headed in the right direction and the closer you get the more likely you will be to hitting it.

Please help me help others find their mission by sharing this on the social media platform you love most.

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Oh Teddy Roosevelt…you’re so wise

I am sitting at my kitchen table in my very unattractive, what was white at one time Terry cloth robe. I am one of those people who is perpetually cold so even on the hottest of summer days wrapping up in this thick robe is part of my daily routine. Today though…the first day that there is truly a real notable fall chill in the air it is serving me very well. I feel cozy. I also have on a pair of Terry cloth slippers that was given to me by my brother. We gifted he and his new fiancé at the time a luxury hotel suite as an engagement gift. He brought me the slippers that were in their room and I now wear them everyday after getting out of the shower. They 2 are the same shade of not so much white anymore. I have my cup of coffee in my scorpio coffee cup that my sister gave me for Christmas. My coffee is really 2 parts French Vanilla creamer 1 part coffee. My kitchen is starting to fill with the delicious aroma of the stuffed green peppers I have cooking in the crockpot. I feel at peace in my cozy small apartment right now. BUT….I have this looming anxiety about all of the obstacles that await me once I leave the confines of my little 800 sq foot dwelling.
This weekend we have some really exciting events involving Lola and our team. Friday we are involved in this amazing fashion show that is raising money for a family whose adopted 2 year old daughter (who also has a twin sister) is suffering from an extremely rare chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 9 Mosaic. (You can read about their story here and also donate to their cause) Also on Monday October 1st we are hosting an event we created called a “Co-Op Beauty Bazaar”. Think of this as speed dating with beauty, fashion, health, and fitness experts (read about it here). Both of these events are crazy exciting, philanthropic, and super creative. The possibilities that can come from the events for everyone that is involved are endless. Yet here I am feeling overwhelmed wondering if I have what it takes to pull off both of these major events in 1 weekend.
Waking up this morning I knew I had to go on a quest for inspiration to motivate me and shift my perspective. So that is exactly what I did. My favorite place for that is Goalcast.com. It is filled with quotes, videos, blogs, vlogs, stories, and a whole bunch of badass people doing badass things. I knew that by visiting that site I would come across something that would put me back on track to badassery. I was right! I stumbled upon a quote from the legendary Theodore Roosevelt “Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength”. YESSSSSSSS!
This is the power of perspective people….nothing has changed about my situation it is exactly the same…what has changed though is my perspective of the situation. As a result of that shift I now KNOW I can conquer this weekend. Not only conquer it but come out the other end better, stronger, and more prepared for the next obstacle.
I want you to remember this the next time you are feeling like maybe you can’t get through whatever it is that you are going through. When you are feeling like you don’t have what it takes. All you have to do is intentionally look for those words that will shift your perspective.
Look around you…there are amazing human beings doing amazing things. There is nothing those people have that we don’t. All we have to do is believe that we are capable of anything. When you ignite your passion with belief you can achieve absolutely anything!

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5 steps to make this the best day ever

I can already feel the power behind this blog. I say this because I especially need to hear this today. Even though I went to bed at about 10p last night and fell asleep immediately it didn’t make 5a any easier to face. In fact when our alarm went off I didn’t even hear it. If it weren’t for by beloved boyfriend kissing me goodbye at 5:30a I would probably still be sleeping.
I can already feel the S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) rearing its ugly head. I’m finding it harder to get out of bed and a hell of a lot harder to get motivated. So here we go people…we are gonna beat this together and here’s how!

1. Space
There is nothing more important than taking 15 minutes to just be. No TV, no phone, no radio, no distractions. We have to intentionally choose that for the next 15 minutes we are going to let every stressor in our lives go. We have to choose that for the next 15 minutes we WILL NOT be doing any problem solving. All we will do is just be.

2. Breathe
For the first part of those 15 minutes we are simply going to focus on breathing…I mean intentionally breathing. This is more than just taking air in and pushing air out…this is doing it with purpose not just autopilot mode. Deep intentional breaths. Slowly inhale for 9 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, slowly exhale for 9 seconds, hold for 5 seconds. Repeat this process for the first few minutes of your time.

3. Loosen up
After the first few minutes of that breathing you will start to feel a little bit of clarity. Use that clarity to identify the parts of your body that are feeling tight. Start with your jaw..give it your attention…recognize if your jaw is clamped hard and then choose to relax it. Move to your neck, then your shoulders, then your arms, then your upper back, middle back, and lower back, your hips, your legs, your knees, your ankles, your feet. Give each part of your body some attention and as you exhale loosen that area up.

4. Gratitude
This should be a daily practice and it is amazing how much joy you feel afterwards. What are you grateful for? The little things, the big things, and the things in between. Me, I am thankful for Heath (my person), I am thankful to live in Geneva, IL aka pleasantville, I am thankful for coffee, I am thankful for Audible.com, I am thankful for laptops, I am thankful for smartphones, I am thankful for dry shampoo, and I am thankful for my health.

5. Smile
It doesn’t matter if it is a forced smile, a real smile, a toothy smile…even if you only have one tooth…get that thing out there. Now hold it…a long smile. Hold that smile until you feel the effect of it…5 seconds, 15 second, 2 minutes…whatever it is keep smiling. A smile changes everything. Each and every one of us has SOMETHING to smile about. Even those of us that are going through hell right now…there is always one thing to smile about. I am literally sitting in my kitchen all by myself smiling from ear to ear right now. I’m even showing teeth. For those of you who don’t know me…I have a huge mouth so when I smile and show teeth…I’m showing every single one of them!

Secure your mask first

I am FINALLY reading “Girl, Wash your face” by Rachel Hollis.  I have had this book in my Audible cue for quite some time now but kept on opting for something else.  My mind  must have known that I was just not ready to absorb all of this information yet.  I am really enjoying this book.  It is so relatable.

While listening to Rachel talk about self-care in one of her chapters it really made me think about the true importance of this.  We, particularly women, have a very bad habit of putting everyone else’s needs above ours.  I am sure that I speak for many women when I say I do this willingly.  I enjoy taking care of my boyfriend, my grandson, my children, and those close to me.  I think it is just the motherly instinct that most women have.  That being said I also know that for me to be at my best for them I have to be #1!

After nearly 42 years in this world I have finally realized my mission.  I am here to support people through their path of becoming total and complete badasses.  I am here to show them the greatness they hold but just can’t see for themselves yet.  I am here to shift the perspective of how people view themselves and the people around them.  For me to be able to do that I have no choice but to be a total and complete badass myself.  I have to care for the vessel that carries the incredibly fragile packaging that is my mind and my soul.   I have to make space and time for reflection and rest.  I have to make time to create and absorb.  I have to be very intentional about what I feed my mind, body, and soul.

This is so much easier said than done.  Let’s be honest an entire bag of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles (my kryptonite btw) sounds SO much better than leafy greens.  An ice-cold beer trumps an ice-cold water after a hard day of work and I’d like to take a sleeve of milk soaked Oreos over an ounce of almonds any day of the week.  BUT… If I don’t care for the beautiful carrying case that is my body all of its contents such as my mind, soul, and spirit risk being destroyed.  And given that I have such a lofty responsibility to carry out my mission I have no choice but to protect those contents and it’s packaging.

The same goes for you.  If you have not recognized your mission yet I assure you it’s exposing itself bit by bit.  It is so important that when all of the clues that the universe presents to you are put together to reveal your mission that your mind and body are ready to pounce.

When you think of terms of being your best for others it makes it easier to wake up early, exercise, eat healthy, and get rest.  When you realize that it is not selfish in-fact it’s the exact opposite…self care is the greatest gift you could give your spouse, your children, you co-workers, and the universe!

Airlines across the entire world have had this figured out for decades.  Think about the safety demonstration that the flight attendant gives before each and every flight.

“Oxygen and the air pressure are always being monitored. In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally. Although the bag does not inflate, oxygen is flowing to the mask. If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.” 

If you truly want to make your partner happy, raise incredible human beings, and make the world a better place Secure your mask first!!!

Have you ever just felt stuck?  Intentionally Lola was created to shift your perspective in any given situation so that you can move forward through any obstacle.

Share your comments, stories, fears, or obstacles you have overcome.  I want to engage with my readers and support you in getting to the next level in your pursuit of greatness.

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The goal…show up and get wet, thank you Brene

I was not a great mother.  I know this.  Looking back at how I raised my daughter and 2 stepchildren was a complete and utter fail.  I am not looking for sympathy or pity…I am simply stating a fact.  I was 17 when I had my daughter and a very immature 26 when I became a stepmother to my stepson and stepdaughter.  I will say my intentions were always 100% good.  I wanted to grow strong-willed successful human beings.  My actions and my intentions were nowhere near each other though.  Looking back now I see that I shamed my children.  I didn’t know it at the time.  I so badly wanted them to become so much more than I was but having no real self-worth at the time myself anything would’ve been better than me.  I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

I do know that I cannot change the past.  All I can do is focus on the here and now.  Now, I parent very differently.  There is no shame only acceptance even of those things I do not agree with…If it is something they are passionate about.  If it’s not something they are passionate about I just give them guidance without the shame.

After listening to a little snippet of Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly” I was whisked back to when the kids were younger and I thought making things easy for them would help them.  I now know the complete opposite to be true.  Not to say I want to make things harder for them but they certainly need to be the problem solvers in their own lives.  Brene talks about her daughter who is no the swim team but does not do well with a certain type of stroke. The coach was making her compete is this particular stroke and Ellen, Brene’s daughter, was mortified knowing she would not only come in last but that the rest of the swimmers would have already gotten out of the pool and the next swimmers would’ve already been set before she even finished.  She would have been humiliated.  Ellen begged her mother to talk to the coach so she didn’t have to do it. Even though Brene’s heart was screaming “of course…you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do” her head knew that was not the right lesson.  After talking to her husband the 2 parents decided the best course of action was for Ellen to talk to her coach herself, address her concerns, and ultimately do what the coach asked of her.  The coach told Ellen she needed to swim.  Of course, as you can imagine, Ellen was devastated.  Ellen told Brene she is not going to win so she was just going to forfeit. So what Brene did was brilliant.  She simply gave Ellen a different goal.  The goal was not to win but simply to show up and get wet.  If all Ellen had to do was show up and get in the pool to meet her goal anything above and beyond that would have exceeded the goal.  All Brene did was offer a different perspective!

One other point Brene makes is when we are happy with ourselves we don’t judge others for their decisions and lifestyle.  It’s only when we are not happy with our own decisions and actions that we judge.  That is exactly what was happening with me.  I was so unhappy with the human I was that I was making the other human beings in my life unhappy for the human beings they were too.

It was when I took a long hard look at myself that I knew changes needed to be made. Not only for my own well-being but also for the well being of every person in my life.  When I began to love myself….with the help and guidance of books, videos, podcasts, and blogs…everything changed.  I now am so happy with my life and my choices….(not to say I don’t make a bad decision every now and again) that I no longer judge the people around me for the decisions they make.  I know now that they are simply making the best possible decisions for themselves.

At the end of the day we are all just doing the best that we can.  If you are not happy with your best then you can make some changes.  Just because this is the life you are living right now does not mean this is the life you have to live tomorrow.  Choose to be whoever and whatever you want to be.

I hope these words help at least one person.  Knowing you are not alone is this world with your feelings is one of the most empowering things in the world.  I would love to hear from you.  If you feel that these words have touched you in some way I want to know.  Please tell me.  Please share this with others because we are not alone.

Positive messages of intentional living and intentional thinking can spark shifts in the perspective of people. I would love your support in helping me spread the word about intentionality. Support looks like sharing, liking, and/or commenting on the Intentionally Lola blogs. I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives, and experiences. I have a lot to learn from you and your perspectives. Please share them with me. Help me give Intentionally Lola more exposure!!

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