If you have never seen the movie Playing by Heart do yourself a favor and watch it….thank me later. The movie is about different relationships in different phases…5 different couples experiencing different life trials, tribulations, and triumphs. I love this movie. There are so many different things to be learned in regards to matters of the heart.
One of my favorite lines from the movie Angelina Jolie’s character said “Talking about love is like dancing to architecture”. No truer words have ever been written or spoken. This is a line that has always resonated with me but never more than it did this week.
In a conversation with Heath, my fiancé, the subject of setting a date came up. There was a sense of urgency. Up until this point we had said that it would be a while before we even thought about getting married. There would be no ceremony we would just wake up one day and say ok…today is the day. Well, something changed. On October 22 a young man named Shane Bodven passed away suddenly. He was 39 years old, had 5 children between himself and his fiancé, and was supposed to marry the love of his life, Erica Beiser, on November 4th. He passed about 13 days before his wedding. He was mowing his lawn, came in to use the restroom and when Erica realized he had been inside for a while she went to check on him. She found him unconscious…called 911 and performed CPR. When the paramedics arrived they worked for 40 minutes to resuscitate him but unfortunately it was too late.
This was a man who Heath worked with. Through conversations at work they found they had VERY similar stories. They had both been married and divorced and had both reconnected with women from their youth. Heath was my very first boyfriend…like my first real relationship when I was 15 years old. From what I understand it was a somewhat similar story for Shane and Erica.
As you know when something tragic like this happens it changes your perspective on EVERYTHING. Especially when that person’s story is so similar to yours. Heath had just had a text conversation with him the night or 2 before which adds to the ton of brick you feel falling on your head.
When something like this happens you start to visualize this tragedy through your own lens. Heath is now imagining himself passing away and leaving me with nothing that he is working so hard to create for us. He also starts to think about him never being able to introduce me as his wife or see me sign my name as Gina Petty…(that is the first time I have ever seen that written out and it gave me goosebumps). His perspective has completely changed. It is a breakthrough moment.
Heath’s strong suit had never been practicing vulnerability although he gets better and better at it everyday and I am so proud of him for it. I didn’t realize how badly this tragedy had fucked him up. This pain has been sitting inside of him for a few weeks now and I didn’t realize it. He is feeling this sense of mortality. Now there is this sense of urgency in his life’s plan. Before knowing how heartbroken he was over this he had mentioned to me that he thinks it’s time for us to start thinking about getting married. I had responded in a “what’s the rush” kind of way. This spiraled into an incomprehensible conversation about our feelings for one another.
A couple of years ago Heath and I had actually made up a word in hopes of helping it communicate our feelings for one another. We had said there is no word in any language that explains the love we have for one another. Until “said word” was created we would just have to create one ourselves…Sedward. Get it until said word exists…sedward. This word is inscribed on the back of my engagement ring. We would use this word to describe our love for one another. We quickly found out that it still didn’t communicate what we were feeling…It ended up then being we love each other more than sedward. The point is that we can make up word after word after word but it will never encompass the intense love you have for your partner.
This is when I really identified with how talking about love is like dancing to architecture. It just cannot coherently be done. To put words to such strong feelings is nearly impossible. This is why it is so important to SHOW your tribe…partner, children, family, friends..whoever… SHOW them how you feel. Because there is no way to speak the way you feel you must display it in your actions. Heath is working in Ohio right now so I don’t get to see him. All we can do is talk which is wonderful but after having this “conversation” (I use quotes because I don’t think the blundering we did could really be defined as a conversation) what we need to do is physically show each other how we feel. This can come in the form of undivided attention, physical touch, acts of kindness, compassion, empathy, kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness.
This goes back to intentional living. Be intentional with everything you do because you never know when your time is up. Make your impact…leave your mark…connect…SHARE YOUR STORY.
I would love to hear from you. Hearing from you encourages me to keep sharing my own story. I would love to engage with you more!
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